I sit here alone and wonder why it was you who had to die. What did I do so wrong in my life to leave me so broken and sad. I think of all our yesterday’s and all that we shared and I find myself reliving the past because I was happy there and you were with me. I think of tomorrow and feel nothing but empty as I don’t want to be part of this life anymore.
Life as I knew it ended the day you died and my world was torn apart. I know our love continues and it’s with me wherever I go. But it’s not the same withoutyou by my side. You were my rock, you grounded me and kept me sane. I feel like I’m going crazy and I’m falling apart more and more each day. I love our babies and I’m trying for them and you. But I can barely function and I feel like I’m letting you all down. I’m so sorry I’m such a failure. I let you down in life at times and I’m still letting you down in death. I’m so sorry baby please forgive me. I never saw my life withoutyou in it. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you and I have never needed anyone as much as I need you. I feel like I’m drowning and I just want it to hurry up and drag me under and be over with. I know I can’t do anything about it as our babies need me. But truth be told babe I’m not good enough and I’m not strong enough. You were so much more than I ever deserved and you deserved so much better than me. But I’m so glad you were a part of my life and you made it so worth living. Its most 15 months and I’m just getting worse and I feel nothing but despair and hopelessness. I hope you are at peace my darling I love you and I always will.
What a beautiful, touching tribute for your loved one. I understand your words: “couldn’t imagine a life without you”, I’m still living in shock and disbelief, it’s been 20 months now since I lost my husband, who was my everything, we were ‘one person’, he made me a better person, taught me so much, opened my eyes to the world, he was gifted with huge wisdom and intelligence, and now I’m afraid I will go into regression, becoming just an object, an empty person, curling back into my shell.
Your love for your beloved with always be with you, guiding you along this sad unexpected journey we have all suddenly been forced to go on.
Morning Casey . Every single word you have written resonates with me . Thirteen months i have been on my own and i have no idea why I am still surviving . I will never be the same again . Please take care and i am thinking of you.
Love Angie xx
Casey 1
Every word you say is true I had no children with my partner of 44 years he has been gone for 9 months. I do not want to go on without him and have no reason too but I am still here waiting for my time to come. Many people say time heals well not in this house. Thank goodness for this forum as I do see other people are in the same predicament.
Jessica
Casey
It’s so hard without our loved one. Grieving is so painful, I understand what you mean when you said ’ I just want it to hurry up’ but we are grieving, there is no time limit on grief, each person is unique with their grieving. I have some days whete I can cope and then a week where I’m in utter despair, I guess eventually we have more coping days.
PM me anytime Casey.
Take care and keep posting as we all care about you as we do for each other.
Amy x