Ive never been close to my family, and they have never been there for me, or helped me, but always for my sister as my mum favoured her. My sister has always treated me terrible and done some awful things to me, but ive always been good to her and bought nice things for her kids and took them out. We didnt talk for years, but when we did, i cancelled other plans to have nye with her, but it turned awful as she attacked me drunk because because a guy she liked wasnt good for her and was using her. I tried to protect her but she was nasty and my mum sided with her. She ran upstairs after me and beat me bad that i had a brain bleed in hospital. She never said sorry or sent a card? All i got was a card off my mum. No floweres or hospital visits? I was lucky to survive. After this i still kindly gave a nice reference for my mum to look after my sisters kids as she wasnt a fit mother from past mischiefs and drugs. I never spoke to my sister again. Recently she passed away from a cardiac arrest. Im sad she is gone but also angry with her. My mum expects me to go to the funeral, but i dont know what to do? I was going to go but i dont want to…what should i do?
I’m sorry you’ve had the experiences you’ve had 
. It sounds like you’ve tried really hard, when others may have walked away.
How do you think you’d feel, in either situation (going, or not going)?
I don’t know, that’s why i wanted advice [quote=“Isabel00, post:1, topic:92727, full:true”]
Ive never been close to my family, and they have never been there for me, or helped me, but always for my sister as my mum favoured her. My sister has always treated me terrible and done some awful things to me, but ive always been good to her and bought nice things for her kids and took them out. We didnt talk for years, but when we did, i cancelled other plans to have nye with her, but it turned awful as she attacked me drunk because because a guy she liked wasnt good for her and was using her. I tried to protect her but she was nasty and my mum sided with her. She ran upstairs after me and beat me bad that i had a brain bleed in hospital. She never said sorry or sent a card? All i got was a card off my mum. No floweres or hospital visits? I was lucky to survive. After this i still kindly gave a nice reference for my mum to look after my sisters kids as she wasnt a fit mother from past mischiefs and drugs. I never spoke to my sister again. Recently she passed away from a cardiac arrest. Im sad she is gone but also angry with her. My mum expects me to go to the funeral, but i dont know what to do? I was going to go but i dont want to…what should i do?
Dear @Isabel00, I’m sorry you find yourself in such a predicament. What a troubled soul your sister must have been. The thing is, I always feel that funerals are places we go to show our love and respect for the person who has passed. When my father in law died, many years ago now, I didn’t attend his funeral because I had no love for him and certainly no respect; it would have been hypocritical of me to go. The man hadn’t spoken to us for years and he had never even met out children. My husband attended alone but he didn’t sit with the family, he sat at the back of the church and then left after the service. Is this, perhaps, something you could do? I think you must ask yourself, did you have any love or respect left for your sister? What were you like as children together? Was there ever any love? Whatever the answer in your heart then you will have your answer regards funeral. What a dilemma. Make the right decision for you and not just to please someone else. I wish you well.
The rule I live by is if they are toxic cut them out of your life, just because your sister has died doesn’t turn her into a saint. Don’t go to the funeral and make yourself a hypocrite.
Hi Isabel100, So sorry for what you are going through, and the predicament you find yourself in. I also grew up with a violent, abusive older sister. When our Mum died she made my younger sister & my life a living nightmare. The one who died and brought me to this forum, was my beloved younger sister, and once again the older one took every opportunity to add to my grief (the older one cut us both off for years) I relate to your ambivilent feelings. I still fear my older sister, and every time I am around her I walk on egg shells. Like me, it seems you tried to be the bigger person, and spend time with her. You have nothing to feel guilty about if you chose not to attend the funeral, and if you do or did go, it is for you that it might provide some closure. I speak from experience that living with a toxic sibling takes a toll. and leaves physical and psychological scars. Take Care, Xxx Another Sad Sister