My wife died on Wednesday night. She had been fighting stage 4 pancreatic cancer since her diagnosis in December.
Although we knew her time was limited, we thought we had many months yet.
Everything happened so fast on Wednesday night and despite my CPR attempts and the work of many paramedics who came to the house, nothing worked and she passed away.
She was so young, only 51.
I am totally lost. We had been together since 2004, and married over 19 years. I don’t know how to be alone, how to cope with the sadness.
I don’t know what I’m hoping to find here, but felt I had to try something.
My husband died a week ago from pancreatic cancer. I am struggling (sometimes crawling) along this road with you my friend. This messaging site has been an absolute lifeline. Whenever you are not coping send a message - someone always answers. Sending you comfort
Hi Mustang, so sorry to hear about your painful situation. When my wife died on Christmas Day I felt as if I was being ripped apart, no pain compares. After she was diagnosed with bile duct cancer and given five months to live I thought that was bad but it didn’t compare to her actual death. Fortunately she lived for two years before she died and every day was a blessing. The first couple of months were very difficult but I joined a bereavement group and came to this site and now I try to concentrate on how lucky I have been to share my life with such a beautiful woman. I hope you find the strength you need to cope.
Tom
Thanks for your message and sorry for your loss too.
Today was a bad day, I made the mistake of spending it alone. I now know it’s too soon for that. I need to plan better.
I’m following your advice, making sure I keep eating at the normal times, drinking plenty of water, also making sure I get up at the same time as I always did to try and keep routine.
“Talking” to you all on here is definitely a help.
I’m sorry for your loss too, and thanks for the message.
I’m thinking of trying to find a local support group too partly to avoid unloading on my friends too much.
The suddenness of my wife’s death is so hard, but I also realise that in a way it would have been a blessing for her as she didn’t have to endure the awful latter stages of her disease.
Hi Mustang I lost my lovely Paul on Jan 16. He had an accident in November with severe concussion and most broken ribs and had been home recovering when he died of a DVT and pulmonary embolism very suddenly. I take comfort that he called me at work, I answered and he died knowing I was on my way. CPR and ambulances couldn’t save him. It has been incredibly hard and tomorrow it will be two months which have been the longest and most difficult of my life. Sadly his brother lost his wife very suddenly in similar circumstances in the second week Paul was in hospital early December. I talk to him regularly and he was great support early on as were some kind people around me. I have found sharing thoughts and feelings incredibly helpful and this site has been a godsend quite frankly as I feel everyone is super supportive. Keep talking as we are all here for you x
I’m so glad you decided to post on this site. This community all understand your feelings as we all have those feelings too.
It is such early days for you and your brain will be in a fog.
You have lost the most precious person in your life and that is so traumatic. You have been together for so long loving and caring for each other.
It is difficult to cope with being alone. Your wife was very young.
You will go on loving her for eternity.
I hope you can find some help. I think it is so important to find people to talk to who truly understand you, because they understand what you feel when you lose your soulmate
Even though it is difficult try to look after yourself
Keep sharing your feelings in this community
Take care
One day at a time. Keeping busy helps me - but we are all different in the way we cope with our grief. The advice that it is ok to do nothing helped me. This site has been a great help so do keep visiting it.
Hi so sorry for your loss. It does help coming on here and sharing your grief. You will find many in this sad lonely situation. Your loss is so very fresh and I know exactly how you are feeling. My husband passed 18 months ago suddenly and totally unexpected. I found the first year after his passing difficult and so very lonely. I’m 69 and never have I felt such sadness, we were so very close enjoying retirement together and had so many plans. My advice is to take a day at a time and not look into the future, be kind to yourself and try to rest as much as possible as I found tiredness exacerbated my grief. Although I know getting a good nights sleep can be difficult and for me was the worst time for feeling lonely. Take all the help offered by friends and family, try to get out and about and not sit around on your own. I’m fortunate in having two sons and grandchildren who live close by, not sure how I would have coped without them.
Getting through special anniversaries and birthdays is difficult. We would have been married 50 years this June, I’m 70 in November and my son turns 40 in April, these dates will be difficult to get through. I was so lucky to have shared so many years with my soulmate, not all marriages are as happy. I tried counselling but this wasn’t for me as it stirred up so many emotions. Some people grieving benefit from Counselling so it’s worth a try. I attended a 6 week bereavement course with others in my position, it was quite upsetting to begin with but helpful sharing your grief with others in the same position. We keep in touch and meet up every few months for coffee and a chat. Try not to isolate yourself. I wish you hope and strength to get through grieving, come on here and share your feelings I think it helps. Take care x
