My wife has passed away

My wife of 29 years passed away a week ago from cancer at age 51 I have three 20 year olds still living at home and I am not coping at all

Hi William,

I’m so sorry to hear that your wife passed away a week ago & that you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. Losing a loved one is so painful and your wife was so young, my heart goes out to you all.

Do you have anyone close that you can talk to and ask for support? Even getting help with things like shopping & cooking can take some of the pressure off you.

How are your three 20 years olds coping?

Posting on here is a positive step to helping you cope. There are many wonderful supportive people in the community who will understand what you’re going through. You aren’t alone on here.

Please keep talking to us & take care of yourself. Trudy x

No just me trying to help 3 twenty year olds cope with losing their mum.
She died 3 weeks after diagnosis. I am distraught with grief and pain.

Hello William,

What a dreadful time you must be having, after 29 years together you must still be in a state of shock.
I don’t know if you have a close friend or someone from your wife’s family or friends you can talk to?
You may want to find a counsellor it can help some people, not all, because you can say whatever you like. Not always possible with family and friends.
Take care of yourself first then you will be able tp support others. Jx

Hi William,

I’m so sorry for your loss, what a shock for you all. I lost my husband 6 weeks ago, completely unexpected, I am still struggling to come to terms with it. We were together 38 years, married for 30 years. We have 3 children, my son is 25 and my girls are 22. It’s so hard getting through each day, but we are getting there somehow? Some days are better than others.
You can message any time, as I don’t sleep much. Not sure I can be much support, but I can try.

BW Lesley

Hi William

I m sorry about your loss . I know exactly how you are feeling at present. Your circumstance echo my own. My wife of 28 years had checks for cancer, MRI bloods tests and was given the all clear and we were told to go away and enjoy life. 5 months later after returning from holiday she had bad stomach pains so being a Sunday ( also our 28th wedding anniversary) we went to local a&e. She never came out . They said she’d got cancer which they had missed. She passed way away 4 weeks later.

I’m sorry I can’t make things better for you
I wish i could as I said I know the feelings you are going through. It’s been 19 months since she passed and I found and still do find it helpful to speak every 2 to 3 weeks with my bereavement councillor. All I do is talk about Tina and still cry .

Your children will also provide you with comfort and support. Although they won’t realise that Losing your life partner and solemate hurts in a different way to losing a parent. I know your children will be suffering but just try to explain to them how you are feeling

My thoughts have been with you for the last few days since I first read your posting

Nigel

Hi William

I m sorry about your loss . I know exactly how you are feeling at present. Your circumstance echo my own. My wife of 28 years had checks for cancer, MRI bloods tests and was given the all clear and we were told to go away and enjoy life. 5 months later after returning from holiday she had bad stomach pains so being a Sunday ( also our 28th wedding anniversary) we went to local a&e. She never came out . They said she’d got cancer which they had missed. She passed way away 4 weeks later.

I’m sorry I can’t make things better for you
I wish i could as I said I know the feelings you are going through. It’s been 19 months since she passed and I found and still do find it helpful to speak every 2 to 3 weeks with my bereavement councillor. All I do is talk about Tina and still cry .

Your children will also provide you with comfort and support. Although they won’t realise that Losing your life partner and solemate hurts in a different way to losing a parent. I know your children will be suffering but just try to explain to them how you are feeling

My thoughts have been with you for the last few days since I first read your posting

Nigel

Hi Lesleym
First of all I’m so very sorry for your loss and how long it’s taken me to reply.
It’s now 4 weeks today since I lost my wife and things seem to be getting worse.
All the form filling it feels like I’m wiping her out of my life.my 28 year old son and 24 year old daughter have just shut down and don’t want to speak.my 21 year old is in bits as his partner is due their first baby in 2 weeks and he’s struggling to cope.this would have been my wife’s first grandchild and to think she won’t see her is heartbraking.i am now getting private councilling and have just organised some for youngest son.All children have now returned to work and I find myself sitting alone all day crying. I don’t have much support as my best friend died on 27th March which my wife helped me get through but she’s not here to help me this time and I miss her so much.

Hi,
I’m so sorry for your loss. How sad about your first grandchild. My kids are just starting to adjust to a different kind of life. My husband was just the perfect dad, and they miss him so much. I know what you mean about the paper work, I too can’t stand doing the forms as it does seem to feel like we are cutting them out, and I personally can’t do it yet. I will need to soon, I know.
I am having counselling, not sure it helps ? Your kids will get through, it’s not easy. I have completely fallen apart, I have lost all direction and motivation.

I can’t do much to help, but I am here to talk ?

Lesley

Hi
Thanks for your reply it does help to know I’m not alone.
I also dont know if councilling is helping it seems I’m paying for an hour of crying with no outcome.It feels like my life has been taken away at 52 all plans and hopes we had are now gone they say live day by day Idont know what that means as I’m struggling and I am sitting here looking at the clock waiting for my kids to come from work.Just so lonely but again thanks for talking it helps.

Reading your message, it could be me talking. We had such plans. Now none of them seem possible. Moving forward is very scary. My husband was 55, I’m 54. We have been together nearly 40 years. I too sit and wait for my kids to come in from work. I don’t know about you, but I hate watching everyone else carrying on with life, as if nothing’s happened. I cry most of the time, the rest of the time I feel numb. I do wonder how to carry on.

Sorry to be so negative.
Anyway, how are you ? I know your struggling, but are you with people much in the day ? Have you got some support? Each day is so long, and the nights even longer.

Lesley

No just me mum passed 8 years ago dad only 2.My wife was 51 I walked her in to hospital on 21st June and cancer ravaged her body for 10 days and she died on 2nd July.She just lived for kids didn’t smoke or drink and loved holidays from Blackpool to Benidorm Thailand to carribean. We had planned to tour west coast of USA in September.Im also sorry for being negative but as you well know it’s hard to be positive when your heart is ripped open. Take care and thanks for talking you have helped get my afternoon in.Also your husband sounded as we say in Northern Ireland a belter.

Hi,

You are very welcome, it has been nice to chat with someone who feels the same as I do. My lose was so unexpected,my husband wasn’t I’ll, or we thought he wasn’t, so it was a real shock for us. I went to work as normal, left him in bed as he was on a day off and was called home. I was too late. I don’t know how I would have coped seeing him deteriorate. I don’t know what is worse. It’s all devastating, the loss is unbearable.
Here if you want to vent, talk or cry. I shall be doing the same.

Lesley

Hi again
Kids all sorted and their clothes ready for work tomorrow keeping on top of all this is so hard.I just try my best for them it’s what she was good at like your husband was a great father she was a fantastic mum as I’m sure you are. It’s just not fair on either of us I’m just broken never will be fixed.Have to concentrate on kids now it’s all I can do without them with me god only knows where I’d be. Well goodnight and thanks for the chat this is the hardest time for me bedtime and first thing in the morning are so cold.
Take care and I’m sure we’ll chat again
William

Good night, hope you sleep well.
If you can’t sleep, I will be awake for a chat.

Lesley

How do I cope.
Oldest son went off the rails yesterday anger frustration shouting at everyone and then ends up on floor in puddles of tears screaming his head off.My family are falling apart.

Hi William,

Really sorry to hear about your son having such a tough time. It’s so traumatic for them. I can quite understand how he feels, I had a meltdown last weekend. I actually trashed my bedroom, broke lots of my stuff. It just got to that point. I couldn’t see how I was ever going to carry on living. It was horrible for my kids.
I can give you my mobile number if it helps, maybe your son would benefit from talking to my kids ? Just a thought. If I can help in any way please let me know.

Thinking of you all.

Lesley

Hi Lesley
Thanks for your kindness
He will not talk to anyone at the moment he’s just so angry about losing his mum he won’t even acknowledge it’s happened.My daughter thinks she has to hold it together for everyone but I hear her cry every night in bed.My youngest son has had to give up football as he is struggling to control his emotions and I am taking him for councilling on fri.It feels like I have lost everything and my family are broken beyond repair.Ive given up my councilling as I find sitting for an hour just crying too much at the moment.
Thanks again and hope you’re coping better than me
William

Hi William,
That’s ok, I don’t even know if my son is really ready either to chat, but just thought it was an idea. I’m not coping at all, and my kids are struggling too. We are trying our best to get through. This is the hardest thing we will ever have to face, so it is going to take time and courage from everyone involved.
Well I hope you will all be ok, I’m here if you want to talk. It does help to chat and vent to each other, I talk everyday to Eileen and it really does help.

Lesley

Thanks again Lesley for your offer he’s just not at the stage of talking yet
You’re so right this is too hard to cope with.
This is my first full day alone Darren is working till 9pm and then staying with his girlfriend.Louise is working and going out afterwards and won’t be back till bedtime.Curtis has a midwife appointment with his partner and then staying with partners mum.So no one here till bedtime so so lonely

William

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