Cancer is taking my wife from me, and the end is possibly days away. I’m 39, she’s 37. I’m at a loss right now, but wondered if anyone had any thoughts on what they wished they’d said or talked about in the final moments? We had so many plans, and I feel like we’ve been cheated of 40 more years together.
Dear BOfh
This is so sad for both of you at any age but especially at such a young age.
My lifelong partner died suddenly and unexpectedly and I had no chance to say goodbye.
There are so many things I wish I’d had chance to say.
I wish I’d told him he was, and had been the most important person in my life. (he always thought my family was more important to me)
I would have told him that despite our many ups and downs, niggles and moans that I had never wanted to spend my life with anyone else and I wouldn’t have changed any of it.
Thanked him for all the support, both emotional and practical that he’d given me over the years- right down to the tiny little things (making my hot water bottle - the last thing he did for me the night he died) and without that support I couldn’t have done a lot of things I did in my life.
I’d have apologised for taking him for granted at times , especially over the last few months when I was so stressed.
That I’d look after his dog for him. How much I treasured our memories of holidays, days out and all our little routines over the years. How I loved the funny little notes he wrote me.
We’d just started the first real your of our retirement so had lots of plans for the
for the years ahead, I’d have told him how sad I’d be to lose our plans but devastated
at losing him and not being able to grow old together . I too feel cheated for both of us.
He was the most important person in my life and it’s taken his death to make me realise how much I took for granted.
I hope you find some help in what I’ve written , just tell her how much you love her and be with her as much as you can, just tell her whatever you feel.
Lots of love at this time, J x
My own thoughts for you at this emotionally difficult time would be…to be there and hold her hand. Not to dwell on what can never be but what you have had.
During Ronald’s illness I was able to tell him how much he had and always would mean to me and during his final 48 hours I talked to him about places we had visited and special events that I held dear to me. I also read to him. He was mad about castles and so I read to him from one of his favourite books.
He knew I was with him as he would periodically be able to squeeze my hand.
I also told him it was ok to slip away when he was ready and that I would be ok.
The most important thing is being there.
I also wrote all my feelings about how much I loved Ronald and that I placed in his coffin.
Let your mind be on all the joy of your relationship.
Sending heartfelt good wishes to you.
xCarole
HI BOfh
I hope you are ok and managing to get through each day as well as you can, take care J x
Dear BOfH,
I am so so sad for you and can’t imagine how you are feeling.
My daughter died very suddenly 15 weeks ago aged 42 and I have wished so many times that I had the chance for one more time with her.
I would say spend as much time with her as you can, hold her close and tell her how much you love her (although I am sure she knows).
Talk to her about special times you have shared and how much you have loved being with her.
But also it is lovely to be in that space with the person you love most without the need to speak, just being together quietly and peacefully and making the most of those moments.
Be strong, be brave and you will both be in my thoughts and prayers.
With love xxx
My heart goes out to you at this unbearable time. Sadly nothing you can do or say can make any difference to the outcome. But you can be there with your love and support. Say what you really feel. Don’t leave anything out. You may think you sound daft but hey, who is going to judge you. When I was losing my Dad we talked about his childhood. It made him smile which was all that mattered to me. You have done your best. No one can do any more. My love and prayers are with you and your dear ones xx
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Hi. I lost my beautiful wife of 32 years last December. As previously mentioned, just be with her. Hold her hand. Tell her how much you love her. Close family also seemed a comfort but everyone is individual. You may feel too many as inappropriate. My Janet died at the end of a day when most close family had come to hold her hand and talk quietly to her. That morning, I had told her that family were coming but if she needed to leave that would be ok and everyone would understand and be fine. How on earth did I do that, I don’t know, but I did. I also talked over all our adventures, Read her her favourite bible reading. She died that night, just over 2 hours short of her birthday having had everyone sit with her.
I would not attempt to say what is right. You will know what is appropriate for your wife but I hope what I have said is of some small help. I can’t say more other than if you are fortunate family are the greatest support. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.