I do understand your feelings. I have lost 2 wives to illness (cancer). I too have most difficulty in the evening and at nighttime. Coming home to an empty house without the greeting " how did you get on with your friends at lunch today ?" etc etc - very ordinary things to say between husband and wife but that’s the point. It is these ordinary things that I miss a lot. Each grieving person is different and has to work out their own solution. I can only speak from my own experience. I am fortunate that I have a number of very good friends and neighbours (I have lived in my current home for many decades). I invite them round for coffee/tea/meal and they do the same for me. My approach is to keep reasonably busy (I am retired) - my second wife passed away at Sue Ryder and I have now become a volunteer member of the (local) Fundraising Team. When my first wife died I tried group counselling - but I gave up after 2 sessions. When my 2nd wife died I decided to take up the offer of 1 to 1 counselling. Maybe I was lucky but my counsellor was really helpful - a great listener and really understood what I had gone through and my continuing grieving. I found it helpful to provide a bullet point summary of how I had got on since the previous counselling session - it did show what my problems were and whether those issues were the same, worse or better. There is no “cure” for bereavement and it effects people in different ways. One of my issues is sleeping (and I bet that problem is experienced by most people who have lost a much loved person). I do find that exercise helps a bit and for me that means regular walks - I try to aim at 3 miles per day but I admit that I don’t always manage that much. Well that is enough for my first posting on this site. It is no use pretending that this bereavement is easy - it is one of the most challenging things that I have encountered. Oh, I forgot to mention - I often “chat” with my late wives whilst I look at their photos - I update them with what has been happening - that might appear weird to some people but I find that it helps me. BTW my second wife passed away just under a year ago.
Hello Empathy
So sorry you have lost two lovely wives,I too have trouble sleeping,can’t seem to stay asleep for more than an hour then awake again,I too chat to my husbands photo everyday and it gives me comfort too,I lost him suddenly in March this year,he was 59,I am 55,thankfully my 3 daughters are very supportive,I’m pleased you have good friends and neighbours ,yes there is no cure,we all on here seem to just get through each day the best we can,we may not feel it but we are all on here stronger than we think,dealing with grief,well done for keeping busy,I’m trying,but not succeeding at the moment,lacking the motivation,but may come with time.Take care x
Hello Robina,
Thank you for your posting. Your bereavement is very recent - only 3 months - and the suddenness must have been a terrible shock for you. I’m pleased to hear that you have 3 daughters looking after you. At that stage (ie 3 months after my wife died) I wasn’t “well” at all (breaking down - my biggest fear was breaking down in public). My feelings now are of great sadness and loss but I break down very infrequently - I yearn for my wife but know that she has gone (I took her ashes to be buried alongside her first husband’s ashes). So I know can’t see her again or hear her call out on return from the shops “Would you like a cup of tea” but something inside me just can’t quite come to terms with that. Making sure that I keep busy is my way of coping. Best wishes. x
hi marty I lost my wife 7 weeks ago tomorrow she wasn’t well but not expected to die I feel like you going back to work helps but its the emptieness coming home I now feel I have a house but no longer a home I cry buckets every day but put on a brave face to work mates and family its ok people telling you it will get better but at the moment I cannot see this happening to me but we will just have to try keep our chins up and give it our best shot take care mate