My wife passed on

My wife passed on the tenth of June and I was not with her she had suffered a heart attack . I tried to revive her and kept going till my son took over from me the paramedics tried to restart her heart but it was to late . The guilt I feel is unbareble why was I to late , why could I not bring her back .

Im so sorry for your loss Wilson. Dont fill yourself with guilt. Looks like you did everything you could possibly do. Hindsight is a wonderful thing they say, My wife passed in April, and just stopped breathing through MND and i have often wondered, could i had done more at the time, and i know deep inside, there wasn’t, but like you, still plays on the mind. Im sure our loved ones would not want us going through life racked with guilt. …John

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Sorry for your loss johnD I am sure it must have been hard to watch your wife suffering from Mnd . But I just feel I have let her down I have failed to care for her the way you have you stepped up to the plate and looked after your wife . I never did enough pushing the docs who where treating her for her heart problem I should have stepped up to the plate

I’m so sorry Wilson to read of your loss and distress. I too think your thoughts in respect of pushing the medics but I blindly thought they were doing the right thing at the right time. They were not. His drugs for the Congestive Heart Failure were never balanced and despite promises of a pacemaker they had said would prolong his life this never materialised, we didn’t push because we thought the drugs were still working and besides, I was brought up in an age when Drs wore white coats and swanned around like God’s never to be questioned or doubted. My Husband passed away of a cardiac arrest due to the Heart Failure. You are very right to when you comment on how hard these thoughts are to deal with. It’s so soon for you and these thoughts may fade in time for you. Or you may be strong enough to have a discussion with the doctors in the future and probably have your mind put at rest. For now it’s probably all you can do to keep going and that takes a lot of emotional and physical energy but somehow your body keeps you going. I’m truly sorry I can’t be more positive but I send compassionate thoughts and sincere regards.

You haven’t let her down Wilson, and i am positive she will think the same. Dont punish yourself, be more kind to yourself. grieving is a hard thing to cope with as it is, I think we all know that on here. Im am now a believer in the spiritual existence after extraordinary unexplained events throughout the few weeks after the passing of my lovely wife. I know they are around us. Talk to her Wilson. To a photo, while quiet in bed. Tell her how you feel. Have an open mind, It does help. Im sure she would tell you your guilt is unfounded. All the best…John

Sorry to hear of your loss Tina. Your so right. We rely entirely on doctors to do the right things, prescribe the right drugs, which isn’t always right, and they have to change them, sometimes by my own observations some were not right, which made me angry. Was always doubtful with GPs, who only had general knowledge of condition, was always better with specialists. Best regards…John

Thanks for your reply John and I’m so sorry to read of your distress. You gave some really good advice in your posts.


She complained earlier in the day she was not feeling to good and I said I was phoning for a ambulance , but she said not to that she would be fine if only I had phoned she may still be alive but as usual I gave in to her . Why did I not phone ?

Your are right that you can take a horse to water but you can’t force them to drink . She was a stubburant woman and she always said she wanted to die at home in her own bed and hated hospitals so she got her wish in that respecte . I am thinking Sheila that you and I where married to very similar people and we could never win . Thank you for replying to my messages people like you on this site are of help to me and others so thank you for that . X