My Wife was My Home

When Rosie passed so did our home.
I said to a neighbour today that I must get home now, then I thought, it’s not home anymore and I realised that Without Rosie the foundation of our home was gone this also made me think will I ever get my life back. I am now realising just how much my wife, Rosie put into our marriage to make it perfect for each of us.
Rosie has only passed six weeks ago but it seems like a lifetime. Do others feel this way


Hi, my husband has been gone 6 months. It’s actually gone quite fast but at the same time has been the worst time of my life.

I know what you mean about your house not feeling like your home anymore, but then I find nothing feels the same. Losing someone we love makes us feel homesick, but we are longing for them. There is another thread ongoing about going away for a break, a lot of us have found that despite our loved ones, no longer being there, we were all desperate to get back to the comfort of our home, despite how it now feels. I hope in time it feels more normal for you.


I definitely do. My partner died unexpectedly two weeks ago. We bought this house as a doer upper, it was an elderly ladies house and she still had two small living rooms, three bedrooms and everything was lath and plaster and very dated. I had absolutely no vision whatsoever when we viewed the house, I had pretty much decided I didn’t like it but my OH was a bit more enthusiastic and saw the potential so we decided to buy it. We spent nearly a year gutting it, took all the walls back to the brick, pulled every ceiling down, new electrics, smashing walls down to open the downstairs up, knocked the two front bedrooms into one then started to put it all back together. I remember going looking for kitchens, bathrooms, floor tiles, bathroom tiles, light fittings, furniture etc, I was so excited. It was the first time we’d ever done it. We decided on everything together. I loved looking at the house and feeling proud that we’d done it together. We did the garden about two years after we moved in and again we absolutely loved it, we planted lots in our veg beds and picked out garden furniture and solar lights etc. It was our happy place where we’d sit on a summers evening and relax, where we’d enjoy a bottle of wine on a Saturday evening. It was home. I’d moved around a lot as a child so this little house meant the world to me because when he was here it was home and I was happy. I thought we’d grow old here. Now it’s just a house that I live in alone :sob: Just an empty, quiet, lonely house. I don’t feel the same here without him but I still feel comforted when I’m here knowing that this was his home and we had many happy memories here. In the immediate days after he passed his family wanted me to stay down there but I was adamant I was staying here and I did. It kills me that he’s not here but there’s nowhere else I would feel as close to him :sob:


Dear Ted,
I totally understand what you have said and in a small way agree with you, but this is the home we built together when we married 56 years ago and where he carried me over the threshold. I still have pictures on the wall that he hung asking me if it was straight and I said, left a bit, right a bit. There are so many memories that were made here, I can look into our garden and see him playing with our sons and our German shepherd dogs, see him washing the car on the drive. I know he is no longer here, he died over eight years ago, but this is still our home, I feel him all around me and whenever I go out for a few hours, the only place I want to be when I have finished doing what I am doing is to go home, lock the door and know I am where I belong, where I have always belonged. No matter how long I am going to be without Peter, there is no other place I want to be.
Take care.


Hi Kath1984
Just to say thank you for your kind words

I’m so sorry for your loss
Thank you for replying to my post . It has reminded me of all the work that we did together and the pleasure we got from building our forever home . Thank you for helping me to reflect on the good things that happened in our long life together jogging me out of my self pity , sometimes I forget that I am not the only person suffering from this terrible grief

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Thanks for listening :rofl: It’s so much easier to talk about our life together on here than it is with people I know. People here understand exactly how I’m feeling because they are feeling the same :broken_heart: Seems like we’ve both worked hard on our forever homes, it’s just so cruel that the people we share them with are no longer here :sob:

I relate entirely with your feelings. My wife Sandie passed 9 weeks ago. We have only been in this house 20 months. Even though we have previously had 11 moves over our 48 years of happy marriage, this was to be our forever home now we are retired…Sandie was only 66 in August. Turns out it was her forever home after she was diagnosed with a brain tumor in November. We had so many plans for our home. Now I find the house so upsetting at every turn because I know Sandie can’t share it. She looked after the garden and loved it. We used to sit hours out there. Now I can’t bear it. I still love the house and where we live…and I have to live somewhere. I just don’t feel the same about it…or anything …now. The loneliness is unbearable.

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My wife passed nearly 7 weeks ago from lymphoma, she was 54, we were looking after both of her parents of which both had dementia, we met 5 years ago we got married 5th November 2019, at least we had fireworks to celebrate to :grin: We were living in one half of her parents housed that we converted to suit us, as she was going to inherit the house we made so many plans, just like [ LostLil ] then Izzy was diagnosed 31st Dec 2021 so all the plans stoped, her mum went into care in march then in November her father went into care, we thought finally we can have a brake and Iz could recoup, then 2 weeks before Christmas we were told she had a few weeks to live and she did until 13 Feb 2023.
I now have to reinstate everything we had done to the house so that it can be sold for her parents care, so living here at the moment is so difficult and I feel so resentful towards her parents because they are alive but don’t realise they have each other and i’ve lost my best half. so this house is just somewhere I reside not home anymore,
so Ted1941 I know the feeling.
look after yourselves


Thanks for replying Kev
When we read the posts all of us have this devastating loneliness and loss it’s all so very sad for all of us. Often you just don’t know where to turn to relieve the pain of our loss I just hope that time will help us all cope better
Thank you Sue Ryder for providing us with a way of expressing our grief and sharing with those suffering in a similar way


I so get this. Thank you for sharing :pray: