My wishes granted

I have no fear of getting coronavirus as i feel my wish would be granted if i got it and it finished me off, so that i could be with my wonderful loving alan again, to escape this hell on earth. I work for the nhs and been doing extra shifts because of my loneliness. Otherwise my life is like what everybody is going through at the moment, isolation. None of my 3 sons have offered any help with shopping or anything. The one who sent his last text to me in august still hasn’t had any other contact with me. The one who lives with me never even wished me a happy mothers day, let alone buy me a card, and my youngest one waited until half twelve, by which time i was at work so didn’t see the message till later in the oafternoon. He wished me a happy mothers day and said he had a card which he would either post to me or wait until all restrictions were lifted. I have not seen him recently as he sent me another nasty and hurtful message and then blocked me… He told me he never wanted to see me again and that his 12 year old son didn’t like me either… He didn’t want anything off me for his birthday (his 40th) which was march 14th. I had already bought him a few things so on the wednesday before his birthday while he was at work i took them to his house. On the saturday i got a message thanking me for presents and to say sorry he was mad at me. He didn’t say sorry for all the hurtful things he had said and dragged up from the past. He said it didn’t mean he doesn’t love me but he is fed up with hearing me and iain ( thats his brother) going on all the time. I didn’t answer him straight away so received another at 11.30 at night, no doubt he was drunk, saying i love you mother. Things are not the same anymore since i let my son back home with me. I just do not enjoy life anymore and i will work til i drop as that is all i have now…

hi daisy-janet
its heart breaking reading the words in your post,and knowing those closest to you who are suppose to comfort us when we need them in our hour of need,give us nothing but extra not sure there are many people in the world who could cope with all the hurt these three boys are giving you,only a mother would put up with this because its an instinct within them to give of themselves to their family.i wish I knew a way to get those 3 boys to realise their actions are very uncalled for and to show some love comfort and a little support to the person whose given of herself for all these years.sadly from reading your words in several of your posts this would need a miracle of sorts or devine intervention.
I hope you can get some sort of external support from friends or colleagues at this desperate time for all, with this lockdown in place.surely some neighbours or some one can at least give some much needed support.sorry im unable to help myself,im in self isolation and have been nigh on since I lost this lockdown doesnt bother me,and hand on heart im in no panic over this virus,but still follow the guide lines as any of us could be a carrier without even knowing.and id hate be one and its best be safe than sorry as id hate be responsible for infecting some innocent people if that was the case.
sorry say but the son whose at home would of been out the door long ago,not just for is laziness towards you and lack of giving you comfort and support, but seems its made your other son angry ,maybe hes jealous who knows,all 3 of your sons seem to have real issues with doing the right thing,sorry for pointing out the blatantly obvious and im very sorry if anything ive said as in any way offended you.
please try stay safe and thank you for all the lives you are helping with the very important job that your doing and been doing all these years,
warm regards ian x