3 years next week since my wonderful son Andrew died. He was only 36 years young.
Nothing has been the same, but how could it be? A piece of me died with Andrew. From the moment of conception, we love, cherish, nurture and protect our child in every way possible. When they die a piece of us has gone and nothing can ever replace or compensate for that.
People talk about “losing a child” and that somehow suggests that we have been careless, misplaced something, and possibly, with a bit of searching, we can find that missing piece… but No!! No matter how hard we try, how many tears we cry, how many nights we lie awake hoping, nothing will change. Life now is like a jigsaw with a vital part gone, so can never again be complete.
August is a dreadful month. It was my birthday yesterday. I never really liked my birthday. In the years before Andrew died, he would call to see me and say " I have booked a couple of hours off work" which was so much more important than a manufactured card or gift. He gave me the gift of his precious time. I missed him again yesterday, just as I do every single day.
Yes, August is a really bad month, but to be honest, I can’t remember even one good one in the last 36 months.
For all those who know their life can never be the same and those who shed endless tears, hoping to wash away the hurt and pain, I send my love.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son Andrew. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Thank you Alex.
It really doesnt matter whether anyone reads or responds, it was just me needing to express my feelings today. I do realise that there are little groups within each topic who respond to one another and I don’t prerend to belong to those. Tomorrow is another day and I shall pick myself up and face the day. Thank you for your kindness.
Hi @Beth123
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son and I fully understand how difficult this month is for you.
It’s been just over 2 years since my beloved son died, he was 41. He was severely disabled and I had cared for him through out his life. In the days after he died I did wonder how I would get through the days without him but somehow we do manage it. I know just what you mean about a piece of the jigsaw being missing and it’s so hard knowing that we will never find that piece and complete the jig saw again. I go through the motions of life and people think I’m doing OK but they can’t see the hole that’s in my heart.
Some days I get up and just want the day to end so that I can go back to bed other days aren’t quite so bad and I have taken up gardening and this gives me a little bit of pleasure.
Like you I have a birthday this week and again I will go through the motions but it all seems a bit pointless now without Richard to share it with us, I miss him so much.
It won’t be easy for you next week ( who are those people who say it gets easier as time goes on, because it certainly
doesn’t ! ) I found comfort on Richards anniversary by going to his happy place, somewhere he loved to visit which gave him lots of pleasure. It’s different for everyone and I know some people just like to take flowers to their loved ones resting place, we have to do what feels right for us. Grief has no guide book to follow.
I’m sorry if I’ve gone on a bit but can’t sleep tonight, been to bed but got up again.
Sending you a hug.
Thank you Reet41 for taking the time to reply and please feel free to “go on” as much as you choose. Some days we can find the words, other days we cannot express in words what we so desperately need to say.
Sometimes, we just need to say exactly what is on our heart and mind and even if it is not always relevant to others, this forum allows that.
I do hope you eventually managed to get some sleep, it can be so restorative and does give an escape and allows the brain to rest even if for a short period.
Having been a long term carer, your loss must feel huge, but you have come this far and it really is just one day at a time. I often think of the words of the song “One day at a time sweet Jesus, that is all I am asking from you…”
Gardening can be healing and so therapeutic and a little piece of garden dedicated to a loved one, can feel like a connection. It is good that you are finding some pleasure in the garden. I have always enjoyed being outdoors either in the garden or just walking. It feels like uncluttered space, a place to feel some freedom with time to think, get lost in the surroundings and just be, even for a little while.
I hope you make the most of your birthday, you are no less special than Richard was and I am sure he would want you to have a good day and he will still be there in your heart. Although we have the memories, we miss the hugs, the voice, the words and the contact.
It’s not the same, I know, but I am sending you a virtual hug for your special day.
They are endless tears of love, the tears are our way of feeling them with us. Our grief is unbearable, but grief is the price we pay for love. If we didn’t grieve then we didn’t love.
I am still in the denial stage of our grief, it’s only been 10 weeks and I wish my 33yr old daughter back every minute of every day. I still can’t believe that she has gone and wish her to walk in through the door so much. She was so beautiful inside and out.
I can’t believe I am writing on this but it does help me and sharing with others who have experienced the loss of a child only understand what it feels like.
Sending you all my love and sympathy about Andrew.
I too lost my son, Matthew, on 10th December 2022, aged 21.
If ever I’m having a tough day, I try to motivate myself by thinking I need to live the life that was taken from him too early.
It helps a little, but the hurt will always be there.
I hope that you can find things that bring you comfort and sending huge hugs x