Hi everyone. It’s been a while since I last logged on & left a message here…
As the title says, it is soon going to be 1 whole year since my Dad (Grandad) died. I have passed many milestones already, like 1st Xmas without him, 1st His birthday, 1st Father’s Day… but this feels bigger. What I’ve noticed is that the build up to these days were often a lot worse than the day itself.
I have been feeling an uptick in anxious feelings and low mood (I have had anxiety & depression for many years now, but at the moment it is exacerbated). My sleep has become very disturbed and poor, like it was when my Dad first passed.
I have also recently come to terms with a big regret of mine. Biologically speaking this is my Grandad we are talking about - but he was my Dad. His job was Dad. I told him I thought of him as my Dad. But in life I never called him Dad. And I really regret it now. I thought I had come to terms with this regret, but with his death anniversary coming up it feels raw-er than usual.
On top of this, my partner’s Dad has just had a stroke and is in hospital. We also found out his uncle died a week or so ago & nobody thought to tell my partner (he lived in Canada, but his mum knew & only told my partner as he was reeling from the news about his Dad). I am doing my best to support my partner because he is in such shock, and I hate that I am also struggling at the moment too because it makes me feel selfish.
Anniversaries and special dates can be so very difficult.