Nearly 1 year

Losing a partner
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Monday will be one year since my partner died. It was sudden, it was excruciating, totally unexpected. Life changed in an instant.
What followed was horrific, the pain, disorientation, fear, suicidal thoughts, more fear, it was debilitating. Life as I new it changed forever. Looking back I don’t know how I survived but here I am.

I haven’t just survived, I am living, I have made plans, I have things to look forward to. A place I never thought I would get to. It’s not been easy and I have lived every painful step to get here.

It’s taken a long time to accept and feel that my other half is still around me, just in a different way. He walks this path with me and guides me because he lives within me. The time we had together he instilled skills in me that I still use today. He advised me and that advise I still listen to. He encouraged me, so I do things knowing he will support me. He doesn’t need to physically be here to know that he still has my back.

As you walk through this journey, you will grow stronger, you will still have shit days, I don’t think they will ever stop but hold onto the fact that you are not on day 1.

Life goes on, whether we want it to or not. My advice would be to keep putting one for in front of the other, each step you take is taking you further away from day 1. The beginning is tough but brighter days are ahead.

This site has been crucial to me, it has introduced me to new friends, real friends who understand, don’t judge, have my back and allow me to be me.

To all those coming up behind me, hold tight, the ride is tough but you can do it.

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@Ali29

Such a wonderful way to describe where you find yourself, the effort of the journey pays back in more ways than we can fathom when we start out. Keep going, one step is all it takes.

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Aw …such lovely words and so true, im 13 months into this . Well said ! Nothing prepares you for this does it but slowly and surely you start to build a bit of a life and my husband will never leave my heart and mind - he will always be there … xx

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Wow what wonderful and thoughtful words I can relate to all of this it’s not a year yet but just over 6 months my angel left me it was sudden and unexpected he would have been 52 last November 2023 life can be so cruel I miss him every waking hour and every day yes life does go on but you will never forget your angel grief is love with no place to go the first day was numb shock feeling lost and angry but I know he will always be here I have nice days but then the tears happen and I ache again thank you for this it’s helping me to remember what I have to live for my 2 grown children and life itself

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Its coming up to a year since my gorgeous beautiful late wife sue took the next step of her journey. I made sue a promise to carry on fighting for life and yes some days I really struggle to carry on but I can’t break my promise to sue.especially now that I have to have more surgery on my right leg as the kneecap has a crack in it and a bone spur and the possibility of having to have more of my leg amputated above the knee

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I’m so sorry for what your going through yes life can be so cruel hope the operation goes ok

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Thankyou. Just waiting for the date of operation x

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Thank you so much - what you described is so true and so inspirational.
I only exist almost 9 months in and I can’t wait to see what 12 months will bring.
I am talking to my angel everyday, morning afternoon and night feeling his presence all the time has helped soothe the pain each day. I am still in shock of his sudden passing but at the same time I have learned to accept that he is no longer with me physically but, in my heart he is always with me wherever I am, guiding me through life, walking by my side everywhere I go. I hope I am moving in the right direction and I pray :pray: hard that I will ‘LIVE’ on my one year anniversary :crossed_fingers::crossed_fingers::crossed_fingers:
Will let you all know however.
Stay positive everyone X

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Your words mean so much and they are so true … i am 13 months into this and some days it is still really hard. That feeling of loss and how much i miss him so much. I am finding since about your stage that i am making new friends and able to hold a conversation with people which i couldnt at the beginning. We all have to stay strong and kind to each other and keep supporting each other in this hard journey we are on xx

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Hope youre ok martyn ? You are doing really well you know and youre so lucky to have your lovely daughter supporting you. Its a hard journey this is isnt it but we are all doing the best we can do. At end of day we are all just flesh and bone and we can only do what we can do to the best of our ability xx

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Deb5.bit down as sue was in lyndsey lodge hospice. But taking it one day at a time and aderlaide dave and family are really supportive. Plus everyone on here is a huge help.i made sue a promise to carry on fighting for life and remembering all the laughs and good memories we had xx

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How do you mean ? You mean cos you gotta go to lynsey lodge ? Yes i think are all a bit down at moment. Xmas and winter has been very hard especially when you are still grieving … im looking after my 83 year old mum at the moment. We have to appreciate what we have dont we ? But i have found some people very difficult to deal with since my husbands bereavment … its seems to bring out some very strange behaviour from some X

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Deb5 .sorry I didn’t make myself clear. It was the last few days of sues life at the hospice and its weighing heavily on mind and I can’t sleep til after 12.30am as it was the time they rang me to say sues breathing had changed and we needed to come over to be with sue until she took the next step of her journey .so apologies for the uncertainty xx

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Oh i get you now … yeh well i wake up early with a start somedays and my husband passed away at 9.30 in the morning and some days i have an awful feeling as i wake up … i literally jump sometimes ;( when i realise hes not sleeping next to me, maybe that is why … i never thought of that before … xx

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Coming up to a year since I lost Keef and have been finding these last few days difficult as I remember what was going on this time last year. He was in hospital but we had no idea that the cancer had returned after 20 years. Although it’s hard at the moment I have sort of carved out a new kind of life for myself as I know he would have wanted me to. I’m getting lots of things done in the house and garden, have holidays booked, had my hair cut off and lost about 5 stone. Physically I feel so much better than I did this time last year, but mentally that’s another story. I’m hoping once I get past the date of his death last year I will be able to move forward more positively.

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Yeh i found the first year anniversary very difficult just before xmas … brings back awful memories … take care of yourself xx

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It’s so comforting to know there is hope along the way. I am feeling more positive and thank you so so much for sharing your progress I am now so looking forward to getting to where you are now in a few months time!
It would be so amazing to be able to stop ‘just surviving’ and start ‘living’ again - with my angel beside me in my heart forever :heart: :heart:
I am so thankful to this site that given us a platform to share and support each other throughout this heartbreaking ordeal :heavy_heart_exclamation:xxx

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