Nearly 12 months since my loss

It’s been nearly 12 months since I lost my partner from a sudden heart attack. I thought I was doing quite well and was beginning to think I could get through the Christmas period without a meltdown. However over the last couple of days I felt like I have regressed. Feelings of wishing I wasn’t here have returned and a sort of disappointment towards friends and family (as they don’t seem to understand) has returned. I want to feel better and I don’t know how.

Hi im sorry for you loss my wife was 41 she died in March im 57.I still live each day day by day .Christmas i cancelled no presents or cards happy time for who ? certainly not for me .Yes i agree family dont understand but i put myself first .For them life goes on for you the nightmare returns .Id go and see your gp they can help also Samariains they never close (i phone them there there for people in distress ive asked) also theres Cruse if you didnt know. Thing of number 1 (i do ) have some me time i.e watch a film (that only you like ) or have a nice soak in the bath (because the nightmare will still be there after the me time .Ihope i dont sound brutal and ive helped .Keep in touch on here Colin

Hi Sue sorry to hear of your loss.I know the feeling all to well having lost my wife age 63 to sudden heart attack on the 18th October. When I sleep it’s ok then wake up and still can’t believe it’s for real.Then I feel the anxiety and dread and worry about the future.My family are supportive but I understand what your saying there’s no person closer than your partner and it’s that loneliness that’s difficult. Kind reguards Steve

Hi I understand everything you all say I lost my beloved husband in August to a sudden heart attack while he was at work . I thought I was coping a little but this holiday season has brought it all back to me and I’m feeling at a all time low . My heart is breaking once more as I try to contemplate what the new year will bring. . Even though I have a very supportive family and friends I feel very lonely without my soulmate and don’t know how I will ever carry on with a normal life . People say it will ease with time but I don’t think it will because my heart is broken into a thousand pieces and I miss him so much deep into my soul . I just wish this nightmare would end and he would walk back into my life again . When people ask how you are you just say I’m ok because you know if you say it as it is you will just break down . Thinking of everyone on this sight as I know you are all going through the same nightmare xx

Thanks Colin,
You don’t sound brutal, you sound real!
I have been doing all those things you suggest. I have been to Cruse and had 9 weeks of therapy and called samaritans. My gp has been helpful in giving me sleeping tablets at the beginning.
I live Day to Day and I thought I was turning a corner until now (Xmas). I do find the lack of understanding from other people irritating and I feel like I am in a bubble, I hear people speak but can’t seem to want to participate.
my big thing is teturning to an empty house.

Thank you for your time and advice, I appreciate that.


Hi Steve,

The anxiety, dread, loss are very much early feelings. I had all those. Those feelings will pass. It may be a good idea to get in touch with Cruse, it did help me a lot.
I dont know how active you are but I joined a walking group and found the company together with the walking helped.
But at the end of the day returning to the empty house is a killer.
Happy to share further if it helps you

Hi, have you tried Cruse? It may be a good idea to call them now as they have a waiting list. They are extremely helpful and it’s all about you, they just let you pour it all out.
I agree about family and friends they are supportive to an extent but they won’t understand what you are going through. Only people who have experienced it will.
I found that many people I thought were friends backed away and other friends just want to change the subject. It’s rather annoying.
You will find the strength and get through this.
Take care

Hi Sue thanks for making me feel well this is all normal feelings.The big irony Heather my wife was like myself less than year off retirement and I feel robbed of the freedom together.We had some great times and holidays soul mates.I do like walking and enjoy the outdoors so walking club maybe. Hope you begin to feel better soon Steve

Hi Mickath everything you say just about sums up my feelings.Its the sudden loss totally unexpected that is hard to deal with.Cant find any words different from yours Steve

It’s hard Steve, my partner and I were in the same position. I had finished work August 2015 to spend more time with him and lost him just before the turn of his 65th birthday in January 2016.
I can’t get the unfairness of it all out of my head!
I have found just taking one day at the time is best for me. I hope in some way this helps you. Keep strong.

Hi Steve
Joining this site has made me realise that there are people out there that are going through this awful nightmare like me . When my husband passed away so suddenly without any warning my world just fell apart and now 5 months down the line nothing much has changed. My 3 grown up children have been there for me every step of the way but it doesn’t stop the pain I go through every day knowing that I will never be with my husband again we had so many plans we were both going to retire from work in 2 years but he was taken before his time I’m really trying to understand but can’t because it doesn’t seem fair why are the good taken too soon we had so much to look forward to
Take care thinking of you all x

Hi Mickath
Just like yourself I have 3 grown up children and they to have been close and caring but like you say the pain is still there for your loved one.Its that feeling what did I do to deserve this why now it’s the suddenes Last night my sons were with me but looking out the window at midnight seeing the distant fireworks I said all for what.Hope you to had some company last night as I always found new year as a time of reflection and no more than this one.take care Steve

Hi Steve
I chose to be on my own last night because I knew it would be hard trying not to get upset in front of my family . I watched some films and had a glass of wine but as soon as midnight came I was in floods of tears trying to make sense of it all . It’s so hard to understand why and thinking to myself how am I going to get through a whole year without him . We liked to travel together and my husband would now be looking at places to go for our holidays he always wanted to plan things in advance and I would say let’s just wait but now I just wish he was here to do it and I would just let him . All though it’s only been 5 months since he passed away I feel like it’s been a life time since I last saw him and heard his voice and laughter I don’t know how I will get past this awfull feeling of sadness and heartache . People say it will get better with time but how can it . Hope you have a peaceful new year and find some hope to carry on without your beloved wife x

Hi Mickath
Sorry not sure whether you received my last text.For me its 11 weeks but after going near the places we used to go together the tears came and that horrible heartache feeling.I was meeting my sister on her birthday and she’s been like a rock so that was good for me.Her advise is take it day by day but it’s so easy to think of all the holidays and what could have been it’s a lonely feeling.I was just the same planning days out and enjoyed fun times together.Hope this helps a little take care Steve

Hi Mickath
This is my first time writing on here, I lost my husband and soulmate of 30 years suddenly in November.
We had been through an awful lot together and he had many health problems but he suffered a fall which caused a large bleed on his brain, this is what I find hard as he had fought so hard for so long and always come out the other side and then a fall and he is gone.
My friends have been great but like you said they can not really understand what it is like.
Life in the future is so empty and meaningless with out him and what is the point. People say the pain doesn’t go away you just learn to live with it, but all
I want is my life with him back, I am trying hard to keep busy but the house is so empty and lonely without him xx