nearly 12 months without the love of my life

I try and read all the messages everyday, and thank God we have this forum… i want to give a little hope to the recently bereaved, its nearly 12 months without my Colin, sudden death. I have been in hell in my head, why me, why him, why are are friends still happy, why have family moved on, why have the phone calls stopped, I realise now its not about me and Colin, its LIFE, i never thought about death, and how i would feel without Colin, how could i possibly know, no one knows until you experience grief, Grief is the least talked about emotion which is so wrong as it is the worst pain. I look upon this life now as I know we had a wonderful marriage, but so so sadly its over, I can say that now I couldnt say it a few months ago, what i am trying to say is I have grown up (Aged 66), for the first time in my life feeling emotions i never knew i had, and when these waves hit i am ready for them, i think oh here we go again, i doubt they will ever go away but we learn to swim with them and come out the other side, please all remember you are not alone, yes the nights are cold without our loved ones but remember it happens to everyone oneday its just our turn today, and remember also the wonderful saying “Grief is the price we pay for Love” xx