My husband passed away March 22. I am feeling worse than ever cant sleep hardly go out its awful .
Has any one ever heard of complicated grief? Im so depressed have been to Dr she gave me higher dose of antidepressants trying to get counselling sorted .
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Hello @Polly63,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very difficult for you at the moment and you are feeling worse and depressed. Lack of sleep can be incredibly difficult when managing grief.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share these links with you to help you with your grief.
You might already be familiar with our other Online Bereavement Support services, but if not, you can find out more about our Online Counselling service, our Grief Coach text support service, and our Grief Guide self-help tools by visiting the link.
I also wanted to share with you our Sue Ryder article on Complicated grief - signs that you need extra support to cope
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/complicated-grief/
Take care - keep reaching out,
Alex
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Hi @Polly63
So sorry your still feeling so down.
I have heard that grief never leaves and after a 2 year period it seems to re occur and we seem to go back to the days at the very beginning.
I do hope you manage to get through this period of unrest and upset and councelling helps too.
Many people on this forum are probably going through similar or have been were you are now.
I a. only 7 months into this journey but i have learned no two days the same do i try to keep busy but it does not always work and i get upset and sad. I am waiting on councelling but was told 6 month waiting list.
Anyway try to look after yourself
Lynne Xx
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Hi @Polly63,
Come 6th January it will be two years since my lovely wife Christine died. This second year has been far far worse than the first. The sadness and aloneness has been building steadily as the months have passed. From other posts on this site I have seen that there are many people for whom this is true. So you are not alone in this.
Personally, I think this labelling of grief as “normal”, “complicated” or “pathological” etc is not at all helpful and the (scientific) literature to back up such categorisation is not very rigorous.
People’s experience of grief is highly personal and I suspect conditioned by many factors.
I completely understand how you are feeling. It is just a ghastly time. Hopefully medication and counselling will help to take the edge of how you are feeling and allow you to get a little mental breathing space.
I would encourage you to post how you are feeling. I think you will find that the lovely folk here will offer you understanding and support.
My best wishes to you.
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@JerryH
I believe that grief is absolutely perfectly normal and natural…it is mourning the loss of a loved one …I do agree though that how it affects or manifests itself in people is personal to the person grieving. It is individual and circumstantial also in how long it takes a person to adjust to their loss and a crucial part of all this is how much support people have. Grief can be complex depending on the relationship a person had with a deceased loved one.
One thing for sure is none of it is straightforward
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it will be 2 yrs 16th april or easter sat, which is early this yr, so i have 2 dates in theory. the crying stopped a long time ago, i am used to him not being now and ont have many probs with most things BUT i am not intersted in going out, used to be out every day, now i go out to do shopping when i have to and thats it. i have health issues that dont help but i just dont like going out now. i am quite happy being indoors. i also find this yr i panic at every little ache, pain etc dont know if its cause he died of unrelated health issues or what.
but i would say in many ways the second yr has been worse. as for councilling, i dont agree with it personnally, i am of the old school you get on with it same as every one used to.
I’m also a member of the “Almost 2 years club”. Ive also been struggling with feeling depressed and unhappy, whereas I felt I had been relatively happy a couple of months ago.
I put this down to the very appropriately named SAD syndrome, which makes us depressed due to the lack of sunlight. On top of this the continuous wet and windy weather has kept me indoors, no long walks and sits in the country watching the joy from my dogs.
I decided I needed to talk to my wife, Penny. So this morning I got her photo, and sat in “her” chair, and talked to her for half an hour. I always started reminiscencing about good things, starting every new topic with “Do you remember?”.
I feel much better already!
As for the SAD syndrome, I remembered we had a light box, which substitutes for daylight. I must try and find it, and use it whilst reading or posting on here.
– and its not raining, so time to get out there and get some joy of my dogs!!
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@tykey hi, I always said to my husband that I suffered from SAD, Now I’m not sure if it is SAD or the missing him so much .I have past the two year mark ,last September and found the second year really hard, reality sets in ,and you know you have to sink or swim, I’m trying so hard this year to make a difference to my mind set , but failing some days , hope you enjoy your walk with your dogs xtake carex
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Hi @Broken2222. It could well be due to both, being sad with SAD on top.
After 18 months, I took out all the people who went the extra mile to help me through it. We went to lovely tapas bar, I was able to thank them and tell them that I’m now going to get on with the last chapter of my life. I then had to do that, but I wasnt sure if I could do it, facing the future without their regular extra support, just continuing friendship. A bit scary! Like when you come out of hospital after a major operation, and realise the nursing support isnt there any more!
Im making progress on this, but a bit more work needed.
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@tykey that was a lovely thing to do , you must have some good friends and also you are a good friend to them . I feel like I had no support from relatives, yes my kids are great, but I’m careful with what I say to them , they don’t need my grief on top of their own .I have no friends , ( i sound like a right saddo 
) me and husband were always just together. …I got all my support from this site, what im so grateful for , lovely people on here ,that really underdstand . I now realise there is only me that can make a difference in how I live the rest of my life.
I’m off to the DR now , stupid ear infection starting .xtake carex
@Broken2222 . I never forget that when I’m feeling sad, its because I’m thinking sad thoughts. When I’m feeling happy, it’s because I’m thinking of happy things etc.
So I try, as far as possible to be aware of my thoughts, and change them!
Good look with the tab 'oil infection. Tab 'oil is what we call ears in Yorkshire!
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@tykey ,Thank you , never heard of Tab 'oil 
glad you explained ! …Dr just gave me antibiotic drops , hopefully i will sleep tonight , and not have ear thumping all night xtake carex
my fav time of yr is winter, dark at 4.30, cloudy or rainy days, love it. always loved getting wet. wish i ived next to beach, i wou;d be there all wethers.
I thought that I was doing ok, but since the 27th January, I have been counting down the days until my husband has been gone 2 years. Each day closer I feel lower and don’t want to go on. It doesn’t help that I lost my father 3 months ago and my aunt 3 weeks ago.
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So sorry for your losses.
It really does not seem to get easier and having the recent loss of your father and your aunt will be specially 
diffucult
You are still grieving the loss of your husband and now recent family.
It is hard to understand what is happening but people are hear to listen and help you through these times.
Please take support from family and friends and look after yourself and maybe you will feel like things are getting better.
Take care
Lynne x
Thank you Lynne, I am ok when I am with people, but when I am in our flat on my own, it really gets to me. It didn’t help that my father didn’t have a funeral, his wishes, I managed to say my goodbyes to him at my aunts funeral on Monday.