Hi all, well it’s nearly 9 months since I lost my partner Lee. It’s been a real rollercoaster, people say I’m doing well but I hate this new life I hate that I’m keeping myself busy by arranging trips and events to get me to the next month when my life was so complete just living a peaceful life with my other half. I miss the Sunday’s at our allotments, the evening walks after work, the drives that always ended in adventure and the nights cuddled up on the sofa together. My life was perfect and now every day is a struggle. If I have a day where I laugh or go out I have days and days after where I am so low and sad because everyday with Lee was the best day. I hate being so young and having god willing decades left of feeling like my heart has been broken in two. If it wasn’t for my girls I wouldn’t be here I just want to be with Lee and for the pain to stop but I have to try to live one I promised him and my girls have had enough heart ache. I see photos of myself and the light no longer shines in my eyes I don’t recognise the person I am anymore!
Oh @Foreveryoung81 I can so resonate with your post. It sounds exactly how I feel.
It truly is hideous this life we have now and I’m sorry to say I don’t have any answers for how we keep going. I’m only 4 months in and I have no idea how on earth people manage to get through this pain for possibly decades. I’m 52 and like you could live for many many years. If it is always going to be like this though I honestly don’t think I can do it.
I also promised my husband I’d live my life as well as I could and I’d look after our 4 kids. They are all heartbroken and so I know they need me now, but when they have healed a bit and start to have their own families hopefully, I know I will still be stuck missing my husband, lonely for eternity.
I had a perfectly happy life before - what on earth can the future offer me now apart from more pain and sadness.
Sorry - not much help in making you feel any better.
Sending some hope your way xxx
@roni52 Thank you so much for your reply, I am so sorry you are going through this too. Life just seems so cruel and I still can’t come to terms with the fact Lee is no longer here yet it feels so long ago I had him here with me also. My girls are in their teens and I am trying my best to help them spread their wings and live but am also so sad to think I’ll be left here lonely and heartbroken. I have Lee’s parents who I try my best to be there for visiting most days and what a comfort this is seeing him in them. I never thought my 40’s would be living this hell yet i don’t regret a moment I spent living my life before just angry it ended fair to soon. Work keeps me tick on and for that I am grateful. Friends are slowly drifting away busy with their own families and partners and the ones I can arrange things with are single ones but who don’t understand we are not in their came either it’s not like splitting up with a partner we never choose for them to leave and they didn’t want to leave us! I can only hope with time our strength grows and we can learn to live and laugh again whilst always remembering them x
It sounds like you are doing your best to try and keep going and I’m glad you have his parents and your girls around for support.
I have 2 at home at the moment - my youngest is 16 and my other is home for summer but heading back to uni in September. The oldest is working and next one at uni also. I really hope they can all in time come to terms with the loss of their dad, who was a huge influence and active member in their lives. At the moment though their hearts are broken and sadness is the order of the day.
I get what you mean about friends. Mine are either still a couple or if single are looking for someone else - and I’m not really up for that. Some though are just happy being on their own - one also widowed young and another divorced but not wanting any more relationships- I hope maybe one day I can be comfortable in being on my own without feeling so so sad.
Take care and it’s good to know you have no regrets. We also had no regrets and lived life to the full as a couple. My only regret is he didn’t live to see his kids grow up and grow old with me - that was always the plan and sounds like that was yours too.
So hard to have it all taken away.
Xx