So I’m about a week from moms first anniversary and tbh I don’t even know where the last year has gone or what I’ve done. I’ve kept working , walked the dogs, looked after my daughter’s little boys - just normal stuff but now I realize it’s real - my mom’s not coming back. It’s taken this long to realise? I don’t want to forget her but how am I meant to go another 10, 20, 30 years without seeing her? I dream about her now and again - I think she’s with me still. I can feel her around me but I just can’t see her. The craziness is suffocating! I just want to be normal.
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I’m so sorry for your pain - it sounds heartbreaking. My mum died in February and I can really imagine feeling like you describe a year from now. It’s exhausting - I miss her so much, can’t believe she isn’t coming back this time like she did before, and I’m scared of forgetting. I have gone back to work, and try to tell myself this is my ‘new normal’, but it just feels all wrong.
I try to to look forward too far - take every moment, hour, day as it happens, and go with it. There is no timetable for this grief, and no end-date sadly - I know what you mean by suffocating.
There are lots of people on here who really understand this pain of losing your mum - it has helped me feel less alone.
Take care, and keep sharing x