It has been nearly 3 years since I lost my amazing husband to cancer. The grief waves come and go but recently I have been struggling with the loss in a different way, I cry every day throughout the day. He was an amazing husband and we loved each other very much despite the blended family and many other challenges. I think maybe as I’m moving forward without him, each life challenge hits me so much harder without his support and I miss having his companionship and love. I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren who give me so much joy, but I feel quite deflated and emotional all the time. I know this time of year is tough for all of us and I also have his 3 year memorial in Feb 
. Life goes on as it should, however as much as I am trying to move forward, I get overwhelming emotions that he really has died and it not coming back. We deal with grief so badly and suffer so much. Making decisions is so hard, I get there in the end after getting other peoples opinions, good and bad 
. I am so reflective about my life and life in general and do wonder what it’s all about, which surprises me because I am quite spiritual and not in a religious way. When I read positive posts from people who have got to a peaceful place of (acceptance) however that looks, it gives me hope. I’m hoping that once I have grieved appropriately, I will start to feel more hopeful overall as he told me he wanted me to. Wishing you all strength to get through the tough times. 
It’s my 3 year anniversary of losing my wife of 48 years on 23rd January..and I relate to everything you say. I am moving forward physically…I will be relocating to live in a self contained purpose built annex next to my daughter and grand kids this year…yet emotionally I have gone backwards and feel this last year has been the most difficult. I hope the new future will help…but who knows. 
Flowers and Unity. It is almost 2 years since I lost my Darling wife of 52 years. I have been told that you cannot change the past but you can change how you think about it. I have tried remember the good times which I do, remember when she made you laugh or smile or you made her laugh or smile. Remember how you met and how your friendship grew to love. I try, Then something happens and I miss her so much. I had my Elizabeth with me for 53 years and I if love causes this pain so be it. I would not miss a day that I had with her and I still have our 2 lovely children she gave me.
Making a house move brings its complex emotions Rob. Grieving is a process and each action we take comes with unavoidable feelings. I’ve been told by my grief therapist that I am moving forward with my grief even though I’m struggling so I suppose we have to go with the flow until we get to a place where we remember them with more love and less pain x
Yes…that’s the hope. I know I can’t change the past…I’ll never accept what’s happened, but I am starting to accept I can’t change it. I’m trying to focus on the reality that all I have is ‘now’…and somehow I have to make that work…not just for me but for the family…who are also still grieving…they lost thier Mum 
I hope you start feeling better too Flowers
Unity Man and Rob. sorry I got your names mixed (brain fog)
. I suppose the saying the deeper your love the heavier the grief holds some truth. Wishing you both inner peace and solacex
Flowers 2 beautifully expressed and heartbreaking. Our spouses gave us lives enriched by their presence. Without 30 years of marriage and a lovely daughter, it would have been a lot less fulfilled. Cancer took her in five years, she’s with her parents now and I hope we can reunited as without her life’s unbearable.
Hi, I just wanted to say that I understand. I’m extremely spiritual and I always a pray of protection every day because I know I’m vulnerable, I also meditate and talk to them and ask for signs. The signs have been coming thick and fast. Things u just cant dispute. We are spiritual beings living the human experience, because its our place of learning, I believe anyway. Then we go home for a while, come back, but I do think we have our family group, that helps and supports us from the other side. Hope this helps a little. The pain is unbearable and it does rear its head off and on because we just can’tbelieve its happened. But they are still with us, we are not as separated as much as we think. Just my feeling after connecting with my own family, mostly through signs xx
That message was to flowers2 sorry xx
Tanya, beautifully expressive. My wife died 3 months ago and have dreams of a faceless brunette in a cemetery. I must be sign blind as still waiting. What sort of signs are indisputable?
Thank you for your kind response Tarnya. I feel quite lost with it all but hope you are right and that they are still around in some way. My husband was such a big character full of life and just like that he is not physically here anymore xxx
Your thoughts really resonated with me. I have just passed the three year mark and feel the pain of loss more acutely now. I have to go with the thought that I don’t want to ‘move on’ or feel better as for me the pain of loss is a measure of the love I felt and still feel and always want to feel. I am on the same page as you with constant spiritual feelings of what this life is all about and just hope there is more meaning than this earthly and at times painful existence. X