need advice

I lost my husband in November after being together for 48 years. I think I cope pretty well most days, but I have this horrible idea in my head that I can’t get rid of - I wish family and friends would lose their partners so they would understand how awful it is. Their platitudes, ‘time will heal’ and ‘aren’t you doing well’ drive me crazy. I want them to suffer this unrelenting pain and understand why I don’t want to do things, why I can’t be bothered with life


@kate13 You’re feeling pretty much like many of us travelling the same road. I lost my wife, three months short of fifty years, so I do know how you feel. I think we all tick the same four or five emotional boxes, not all the time and not all at the same time.
However you feel, it’s fine to feel that way.
Take one day at a time, try not to let the glib “you’ll always have your memories”, “time is a great healer”, etc., get to you. If people ask you how you are (almost no one ever asks me), then tell them, don’t tell them what they want to hear. You’re not being cruel, you’re being honest.
All love affairs end in pain and the people who’ve not experienced the pain of a final parting cannot begin to understand the colossal impact that it has.
I truly wish you solace in your grief.


Hi @kate13 . I think many of us (I did, anyway), have thoughts which in fullness of time we arent proud of.
I mentioned to one of my best friends of my thoughts, which essentially created a memory that my 50 years with Penny weren’t that good, so why grieve? Wasn’t true!!
She said it was the subconscious brain protecting me. She was right, and these thoughts fairly quickly subsided.
Our thoughts and memories are our best friend and enemy in these early horrible days. Just try to let it go, because it will!