Hello. I’m new to this whole side of actually joining an online community to do this. I always imagined that it would be like a group session kind of thing where we sit in a circle and talk, but we are post Covid times and honestly, I’ve never done this kind of thing before. I am so new to this that it’s a surreal feeling that I’m experiencing.
I lost my mum just under two years ago. It will be two years this June. She was young. Only 60. I had been walking with my partner and our daughter, talking about my mum when half an hour later I got a call from my dad because my mum had had a heart attack and that there was nothing they could do to save her.
I got signed off for two weeks after losing her and I don’t think I fully processed the news. I live in Surrey but my parents lived in Devon. Being so many miles away I went into a kind of denial over actually losing my mum. She was still here. My brain kept making me think that there was no way she could be gone. The funeral happened and still, nothing had fully sunk in. I think it’s taken me nearly two years and an honest argument with my partner to realise that I haven’t coped at all and I haven’t done anything about how I feel about losing my mum.
I miss her every day and I feel like I have a hole in my chest that won’t close up. This has clearly affected me mentally and has affected my home life. I don’t even know where to start with trying to come to terms with her being gone. I’ve got this weird fear of life being far too fragile because she died so suddenly. I’ve got a weird fear about my own fragility and my partners and even my own daughters. It has really affected me and I’m just trying my best to reach out for support because all I want to do is cope and handle this all better than I have been.
Hello @Aimzgee,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing your feelings. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. It sounds like it was so sudden and such a shock to you, and it’s completely understandable you have had a hard time processing it.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
Hi @Aimzgee,
Welcome to this forum, & sorry to hear of your sad loss.
My mom passed 3 years this April, I know in the early stages of my grief, I spent a lot of time on autopilot, & it’s like my mind had decided mom wasn’t dead, she was just away visiting my aunty, but this meant a strange part of me kept waiting for a call I knew deep down would never come, 
. It took me about a year to get through that stage, & accept she would not be walking through that door again, she was never going to phone, at the 2 years point, I started to come out of autopilot, & that’s when the grief really hit me, I think that was the point I started to accept what my mom, & her passing means to me, the changes this makes to my life, memories I’ll never have with her, things I wish I’d said before that now it’s too late to say.
Our parents are a big part of our lives, they’re there for so much, I guess in some ways we get complacent, & though we know realistically no-one lives forever, we can’t imagine life without them, so when it happens it’s a big shock. All I can say is, there’s no “one size fits all” to grieving, & everyone grieves in their own way, just take it a day at a time & do what works best for you. I have always found talking on this forum very helpful, there are always people who understand. Sending hugs of support.
My sympathies. 
Writing here is a start! The thoughts about the fragility of life is common, I think, suffering a loss makes you realise that things can happen at any time and you’re afraid it will happen again. It takes time to process when you lose a parent, it’s such a huge void they leave behind. Have you tried counselling? It can be helpful, if you find the right counsellor.
My Dad died 3 years ago, I don’t think I grieved properly for him as I had mum to care for. Mum died 6 weeks ago and now I feel totally lost and all alone without both of them. Hope you find this support group helpful, finding everyone on here really friendly. xx