Hi all.
Today has been a really bad day and it’s only lunch time.
I woke at 5 with the howling wind and couldn’t stop crying, that horrible feeling when you can hardy breathe, I thought to myself if I were to take all the tablets in my bedside cabinet would I die? Then I could be with Pete and the pain would stop.
Then I thought about my sister, brothers, Mum and nieces and nephews, they would be feeling the way I am now, they have all tried so hard to help me.
Then I thought, should I tell anyone about these thoughts?
I’m scared as I know it would really worry my family.
I would also be scared that I’d end up in hospital and make things worse for all of us.
I was so completely happy with my life and bang, the rug was pulled from under my feet.
It’s been 3 months now and everyone around me is getting on with their lives but I am struggling through every day.
The coroner’s office phoned me today to say Petes death ( heart attack) was due to natural causes and his official death certificate will arrive in the coming days.
I broke down and could hardy speak to the lady, she asked if I was alone and offered to stay on the line.
This is the only place I feel I can say exactly what I’m feeling.
Why is life so cruel?
Muldool
Hello
This is the place you want to come and talk about your feelings
We all understand we all feel the same - nobody here judges
My husband has been gone 4 years now
And what your feeling right now is exactly what I wanted to do
But Pete would hate the thought of you feeling like this
He would want to live his life through you
Right now you need to grieve
It’s your right
Your mad at the world your life has changed for the worse !!
In time you will learn to cope sorry the heartache will never leave you though
By the sounds of it you have such a loving family and in time you will be able to enjoy your time with them
So you come on this site and talk anytime it does help as we all understand your feelings
We are all here for you
I hope tomorrow will be a wee bit better for you
Take each day as it comes
Sending my love
Xx
Hi, thank you, it helps to know you understand and I know Pete would want me to carry on for him, I am trying, he was always such a positive person.
Always optimistic and he never worried about anything, they say stress can cause a heart attack, he was least stressed person I’ve ever know!
My family are wonderful and I could never do anything that would hurt them, I have always been a pretty upbeat person too but I have never felt such sadness but I will try to be more positive.
Thanks for your kindness
Mu
Hiya john had terminal cancer but because he hadn’t seen his doctor had to have post-mortem even though he was under oncologist got post mortem results Xmas eve terrible lv annie x
Hi @Muldool,
Thank you for starting this thread and for bravely opening up about the thoughts you are currently dealing with. It is good to know you feel you can be honest here - you have done the right thing by reaching out. I’m going to follow-up with an email and some resources/links which you might find helpful.
Please know you do not need to struggle alone and that the feelings you are experiencing are not unusual. Keep reaching out.
Take care,
Megan
Thank you Megan.
3 months is a really short time Muldool, and I’m sure many of us have felt as you have today. Although as you know, this, sadly isn’t the answer. Your family love you and they will go on helping you.
It does appear that others are continuing with their lives, but I’m sure you have many people who care and will help you.
This weather and the time of year definitely doesn’t help with our feelings of grief.
Also, the coroner ringing today was very bad timing for you.
I do hope you manage to sleep and hope you feel ever so slightly better tomorrow.
You have my deepest sympathy, but we on this site do understand your deep grief and wish you well.
Be kind to yourself & keep writing your thoughts down.
Love, Janey xx
Hi to all of you with this awful grief. For me it just gets worse as the day ends and the dark descends. I can nearly manage through the day if I keep busy but once it gets to the evening the horror starts. I am a year in now and the night is no different now than it was when my beloved Peter died. We knew he was going to die but not quite so quickly and in tragic circumstances with sepsis not managed correctly in the hospice. I am starting to lose some of the bitterness as bringing him back from kidney failure would have brought him back to severe pain and no chance of remission but every time i look at a photograph it feels like yesterday. Does it get any better? People say I am strong but it is all a front. My Peter always said he had no regrets and I certainly never regret a moment I had with him but this pain is something I don’t feel I can ever get over. I have no children but my sister would be devastated if I did something stupid and she would have to pick the pieces up to clear up after me so I will never get any respite as I could not put her through it.
I thank all those who read this as you are the only ones who really know what I mean and how I feel and I can be honest about my wish to just stop being even if it will not happen. Thank you.
It took seven months before I got answers as to why my husband died so unexpectedly. Now my children have to go through tests. 3 months is such a short time, the waves of grief are still so big then and they will continue to hit you for a long time. There will be longer between the waves or they won’t be as big, but they will keep coming. It’s normal to think about being with them and wanting to be. Just keep seeking support from wherever you can. You can sign up for counselling here or with Cruse. It gives you chance to talk to someone that you don’t have to worry about upsetting. Take care
I keep asking the same question to myself- why life is cruel?
My loss is different than yours. I lost my mom. but I’m sure the pain you are feeling is what I am feeling. I am only 31 and my mom was only 58. She had no ailments. She got cardiac arrest three weeks ago and just like that gone. I am very dependent on my mom. I can’t live without her. Ever since that happened I haven’t left the room. I eat only when others in the family force me To. Life is so cruel and unpredictable. Bad ppl live longer. Our family was So happy. Everything was going so well and then this happened. It ruined our lives. We can’t keep going that and will never be happy in our lives. I have to live for my dad but the thought of ending my life keeps coming to me. I am so lost. I need you mumma. I can’t breathe sometimes.
Hi my dear! I lost my husband 7 months ago after 31 years of a wonderful marriage. He was 61 years old and a silent cancer stage 4 was diagnosed in February and he died in July.
I admire your faith of believing that dying would take you to Pete. I don’t even believe that anymore. I think it’s just 2 sides of the same coin. Why do you think he is not suffering like you? If life is eternal; then, the person who departs is missing you the same way you miss him/her. It does make sense, correct? Why on earth the person who leaves everyone and everything behind would be happy in paradise? It sounds like a fairytale where death is synonymous of happiness and life of unpredictability. Non-sense!
I am not the right person to talk to you because I am mad at everything. However, I have bereavement therapy by phone and it’s been helping me. It’s a relief to talk to someone who is prepared professionally to listen to you and know what to say. I cry for an hour and the next day feels like I have a hangover. On the contrary, the other days seem to be less painful. My therapist has been explaining to me many new things about grieving that I had no idea. It helps me to understand my feelings better and go deep into it. Why don’t you look for help?
We need a new brain to be us without our husbands and this is such a challenge but not impossible. Missing and remembering them will go on forever but people say we could build a different life and have some pleasure here and there. Nothing will be the same anymore and that is what really hurts and totally stop us from moving forward. We haven’t accept it as real yet; there’s no turning back but we keep living with them on us. I talk to my husband, I wear his clothes to feel him, I know each part of his body, I can feel him, I listen to his WhatsApp audios he sent me from the hospital. I saw him going from a strong man to a man that could not walk or go to the loo anymore.
Someone told me the lack of his presence is what hurts the most. I told this person she was wrong because Luiz has been present than never before. I can’t help having him all day and night ( dreams) on my mind.
Anyway, our pain won’t disappear but it will change according to people who went through it before. Life will never be the same which is hard to accept. My therapist told me that acceptance is the key but for that to happen you need to go into yourself deeply to express all your feelings and understand it as well. It takes time, years but time passes by anyway.
“The show must go on” and good surprises could happen along the way! Live one day at time!
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings!
Elen
Xx
I lost June my wife of 43 years in December last year totally without warning in front of me. I don’t qualify for therapy as 6 months has not elapsed. I suffer daily trauma of what happened that evening. One moment she was talking to a friend on the phone the next she was gone. I tried to save her but failed as did the paramedics with all their equipment and drugs. June bravely fought Multiple Sclerosis for decades and also Cancer. It was heart failure that caused her to pass away.
I believe in life after death and hope June is with her loved ones now in Heaven. I am not a regular Churchgoer but Pray and have visited Church a number of times since June passed. I have to believe that one day we will be together. I am making a living will and making my dnr instructions clear to my family.
I believe June would want me to live but it’s extremely difficult as all know. It’s likely my last comment has saved me so far.
I have accepted that I will never see June again in my lifetime. I bring her flowers home and place them with her photo. I talk to her throughout the day and say a Prayer at night. God Bless June - sleep tight. You had a miserable life health wise and I will Love you forever. Peace to all. Tony
Hello everyone, this is my first post here and the title of this post resonated with me!
I lost my darling husband in April this year after a very sudden battle with cancer! Since then life seems to be a living hell. I’m not suicidal, I just don’t see the point to life anymore. There is no optimism for the future in my life. I just miss him so badly.
We have 2 daughters and 1 moved out as soon as her father died and the other has a very busy working life. They just don’t have time. Our friends were all couples and they don’t understand - how could they, unless they had been through this. I don’t work, we live in a very rural community.
I’m struggling to find things to occupy the hours from morning to night. We (my husband and me) both knew I would struggle without him. When we knew he was going to pass he told me - he was more worried about what was going to happen to me.
Sorry for such a negative post. I wish we were all in a better place and didn’t have to be part of this group 