Neon light!

Glorious sunny day so went for a walk in a seaside town nearby.
It was crowded with people enjoying the sunshine, children on their scooters, couples arm in arm.
I sat on a bench just looking at the sea and thought how my partner would have thoroughly enjoyed the day. Didn’t resent the couples but did envy them, I would have given anything for my partner to be sitting there with me.
The only thing was not one person spoke to me, they were all busy getting on with their lives, I should have loved someone, anyone, just to have made small talk for a few moments.
Perhaps we should have a light above our heads which can be switched on to show we are bereaved and would enjoy a person spending a few moments of their time chatting about something and nothing.
Another person in the same situation could also approach knowing they would be met with understanding too.
It’s being alone and an observer while all others carry on as though nothing has happened, which for them it hasn’t.
This forum helps a great deal by letting the words flow that I can’t tell family.

Hi there
What a co-incidence we both did exactly the same thing yesterday. I caught an early bus to a seaside town ten miles away. The beach is wonderful and long and the tide was going out. I walked the dogs along the beach in silent thought, it was early so not many people about only a few dog walkers who just say good morning. Above the beach is a wooded and park area. I walked up there and sat on a bench overlooking the beach and looking out to sea and remembered the many times Brian and I have done this walk and wished that for just a moment he could be there with me It seemed such a short time ago that I took these walks together for granted. We used to stop at a cafe at the end of the beach but I couldn’t go there yesterday, that was too much to ask. I too felt so envious of the couples out walking together and hoped they knew how lucky they was, but of course they didn’t as you don’t think about when it will come to an end. That happen’s to other people not you. No one spoke to me either. Your so right it’s being alone and wondering if you will ever feel complete again. Take care xxxx

Thank you for your reply Pattidot.
I try to be positive, it’s just those moments when I realise I am alone now watching others enjoying themselves. No longer being able to turn to my partner and share a moment of laughter.
Grieving is so painful.

You bet it is. I have never known anything quite like it. I thought I was tough. My first husband walked out on us when I had two toddlers, another on the way, no job, and we had just moved into a new house. Not much help in those days, you either survived or you didn’t. I sorted my life, kept a roof over our heads and never asked or claimed for help financially or otherwise from anyone. I thought I could cope with anything. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever envisage such hell. I think we all feel the same though.

Your right!
I had to cope with so much after my husband left me with our three week old baby and numerous other problems.
I thought I ended up strong enough to deal with anything after all that.
The strength needed to survive such intense grief is on a different scale!