Never got to say goodbye

I have recently lost my soulmate and best friend due to the circumstances i never got to say goodbye or tell him how much i loved him in person before he passed away. He went missing in November from our home address (believe he had some sort of mental health crisis, as evidence of self harm at that point) was located fairly quickly by police and taken to hospital, but discharged same day. He did not return home, he was deemed to have capacity by the mental health team. Reported missing again to the police, this is a person who took a lot of medication for multiple health conditions and to our knowledge had not taken no medication with him, again located by police and told them “he did not want to be found” at that point there was nothing else police would do to assist. We as a family continued to try and find him ourselves, he was active on Whatsapp and reading messages sent he sent a message stating he “needed space to sort his head out” in early December, but would not tell anyone where he was, this was hard for us to understand but had no option other than to respect his wishes. In early January his whatsapp showed he had not been online for 4 days, alarm bells started to ring and i had an horrible feeling that something had happened to him cant explain it but just a knot in my stomach that would not go away. I went to the police station to request a welfare check but still had no idea where he was but just on gut instinct. It was there i was informed that he had sadly passed away 5 days earlier, 4 years to the day we lost his mum?, having to tell our kids that their Dad had passed away was so hard, we have 2 children and 2 young grandsons, youngest only 7 weeks old when grandad went missing, also his family. Found out that he had been living less than 2 miles from our home address since he left after presenting as homeless to the local authority, but no sightings of him or his vehicle in that period. Trying to piece together the last 8 weeks of his life is heartbreaking, collecting his posessions from police in evidence bags was awful. His death was refered to coroner, and they were unable to establish cause of death at postmortom, so having to wait for toxicology report to come back, they did say he did not have any medication on him when he was found? Just seem to be stuck in limbo, and trying to get through each day the best we all can. Only comfort is that we did get to see him at the funeral home and he did look at peace xx


@2littleboys - I am so sorry this has happened. I don’t know what to write, save to say you are doing really well. Losing someone special is hard enough and you are dealing with so much more. You have come to the right place here, as you are among friends and fellow grievers, who know the landscape of pain, regret, guilt, silence and all of it, all too well. All our circumstances are different here, but our understanding of sadness is the same. Hold on again today, my friend and know that you have a family here that is right with you.


Thank you Vancouver for your kind words. Everything is such a mess, we are unable to have his phone back until coroners investigation completed, only person that can answer why he left is no longer here. I have been unable to work due to the stress of everything and needing to support our daughter who had just had our second grandchild. I just feel so lost at the minute and feel angry at him for leaving the way he did, and such deep sorrow that he felt unable to talk to me (after 27 years)


This is so, so, so hard, my friend. I am not sure about specialist support and advice for this situation but maybe one place to start is The Good Grief Trust. Talking about how you feel may help and hopefully, some of the parts of the jigsaw will start to fall into place soon. You shared a life and love together and this will always be true. I hope you can find the support you need for you in these days. I can imagine you feel you have to be strong for everyone else, but you need support, too. We are here for you, post any time and there is usually someone around who will reply x



How sorry I am to read you heart rending post. I have so few words of comfort but as @vancouver said, you will find support and hopefully some strength here with others who also feel the pain of loss.

You and your family must be totally devastated and at a loss to understand what happened to the man you love but please try to be together as I think that will make you stronger.

Sending lots of love
Karen xxx


As others have said, that sounds so painful and difficult. I really hope you get some answers as having those ‘unknowns’ can be filled with torturous thoughts (if youre like me, anyway! ).
Mazza x

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