I lost my wife to cancer on christmas eve she was only 54.
We were best mates as well she was always laghing and talkin g we really loved life together then the cancer got her and she was gone12 week later.
The pain that day was the worse ive ever known and 5 week later seems to be getting worse.
The kids are round in the day but when they go at night the silence is terrible just sit here watchin crap on the telly and drinking way too much.
We both used to love our life now i hate it every day seems to drag
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So sorry to hear your news. Unfortunately, no-one warns you what the pain is going to be like, of course, there can be no warning. My thoughts are with you
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Jim, I am so very sorry that your wife died so suddenly and on Christmas Eve as well. It is just horrible. She was simply too young to die. The pain must be unbearable. It is a loss like no other, Earth shattering.
My advice is always the same: pay the bills, feed yourself and try to get some rest. Everything else can wait. In your case, I would also advise to not drink alcohol as it is a depressant and just makes it all worse. Truly, it does. It also wrecks you immune system, liver, kidneys, heart and bladder which are all already on fire with cortisol caused by stress. I am not judging, just suggesting that you do not need to add illness to your heartache or add to the normal depression you feel.
I am 17 weeks in and I don’t remember the first couple of months, I was on auto-pilot and barely functioning in a fog of confusion, anxiety, numbness, fear, depression, sorrow, with no appetite, no sleep, walking in circles, unable to form a complete sentence and no short term memory. Sound familiar? All of it is quite universal. It was 10 weeks before I could open the window blinds.
Still finding it hard to navigate this new world and this entirely different life. Nothing is, nor will it ever be, the same. I am not the same. You are not the same. But, I am still here and so are you. If I have made it this far, you will as well. We just do.
We learn to adapt, step by step, hour by hour. It isn’t easy. We’ve joined a miserable club we didn’t apply for, but can’t quit.
Make a list of 5 things you must do each day, mark them off when done and you will
have a visual reminder that you are, in fact, surviving and functioning. It’s the best one can expect at this point.
It gets a bit easier albeit incrementally. It takes time, the old cliche’ is nearly true; it doesn’t heal all wounds, but the wound will scar over. Just not yet.
Meanwhile, cry your heart out and be relieved that you are experiencing what we all are experiencing. We get it. You are normal in the abnormality.
Much love
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Thanks for your kind words im lucky really my kids and grandkids are helping me throgh it i hope you have someone there for you too