This bank holiday has been really hard to get through since danny died 18th April but today i don’t feel as desperate as i did the last 3 days don’t no why is this normal does our body say enough and gives us a little bit of respite to build up for another bout of hysteria and crying is this the cycle now
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Hi
I think grief just sometimes takes a break and we think we moving slowing forward. But don’t be fooled it comes back and bits you like a sledgehammer. It’s been over three years for me - sometimes it seems like yesterday and other days it seems a lifetime ago. Now I live along my grief - it never goes away but does get easier. One thing I was determined to do was not to let grief win and not to let it completely take over my life. Every day I miss my darling husband and wish my life was different but he’s not coming back and this is my life now. Take each day, week,
month, year as it comes and get through it the best way you can.
Sending bundles of love
Georgina
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Thankyou so much I’m finding I’m pushing my family away ots like i want to wallow in my own grief don’t want to see or speak to family and friends I’m living on slimfast as i haven’t been able to be bothered trying to cook anything and thats just the easiest i take dog out but then get back into my pjs ive been off work 7 weeks and due to go back next week i only work 2 days but don’t no what to do
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im due to go back to work tmrw too.
I am not sure if I am wallowing in grief and guilt.
Maybe the thought of work is worse than the actuality, it might be good to have a bit of mundane routine to get through.
i spent nearly all day in bed yesterday, not up yet.
We cant go on like this , yet its a hard cycle to break, you will tho
Yes, it is normal. I think many times our mind feels overwhelmed and has had enough so it blocks the negative thoughts.
I try to tell myself that a better moment will come soon. I don’t always believe what I am telling myself!
It is very tiring, confusing and unsettling.
Sending a big hug,
Rose x
Thankyou rose i don’t no what i would of done without this forum only discovered it yday everyone is so kind and it helps so much to realise that a lot of people are going through the same as me as being a widow is such a lonely place to be
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Olive3 i know what you mean we can’t carry on being in the house all day the hole will get bigger and bigger i no i should go back to work even if it means having to get out of bed and put a bit of make-up on but the thought of it overwhelms me im back at doctors on Thursday so might see if maybe i can try a different antidepressant there’s no miracle cure maybe I’m just grasping at straws
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Hi i have been on the antidepressants for a month now and they take that long to kick in. I am definitely calmer very quiet in fact and this is my second day of not being able to get up. So I don’t know how long you have been on them but they take time.
As for work i tried to go back about a week ago and couldn’t go back the next day,
I am trying again tmrw, I do not see that staying off will help me but if you are not ready then you should hold off you will know when you go back in.
Yes talk to the doc is there any kind of counselling you can have I am seeing someone today but i know there is no magic bullet.
take care
Hiya, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It will get easier. I didn’t think it would and, in the early days, I doubted that I could go on. I felt like I was in a state of constant panic. But now, nearly 6 months on, and I’m good. Believe me, I’ve had to dig deep and get right out of my comfort zone but it’s so worth it. I really like the person I’ve become. And going back to work was huge. I was physically shaking on the first morning but everyone was so kind and supportive. They arranged a life coach for me and he has been amazing and I now do voluntary work on top of my day job. If you need the odd day on the sofa with wine and box sets that’s OK. But not every day. We are far stronger and more resilient than we ever knew and we absolutely can make a new life. Maybe not the one we planned but good in a different way. My lovely and very wise friend said all that matters at this point is ‘if something makes you happy do it. If it makes you sad, don’t’. I often think of that even now. Be kind to yourself xx
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Hi @Debrat
Yes what you are feeling is perfectly normal.
I’m up and down all the time. I’m away at the moment staying with my stepson so I’m not too bad. But its like running away fom reality
I know when I get home it will probably hit me again.
This grief journey has been likened to being on a rollercoaster, and it is so true. All we can hope is that we get more highs than lows and maybe one day we will get right off.
Sending you hugs
Liz x
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Thankyou all the comments mean so much at least I’m not crying thats something I’m due to have a phone conversation with a councillor in the next couple of weeks so maybe that will start to help and I’ve still got a week off before work so i might feel differently
Yes it is lonely.
There have been many times when I have wondered if what I was feeling was normal.
We don’t want others to suffer like us but sadly they are. So, perhaps in some small way sharing our grief helps us and others.
This site is supportive and a help to many.
Take care,
Rose xx
I’ve only been on this site since yday and the people ive messaged and the post’s I’ve read do help its that you no others are going through the same experience and can offer advice and share their own stories it does help
Its hard for family to understand cos they not been through this. … dont feel guilty just do this whichever way is best for you … you’re the one who is hurting the most xx