New diagnosis

Dad has stage 4 lung cancer, gone to his shoulder, liver, ribs windpipe, had his first chemo today, hope he does not get bad side affects. Lost our mum on august bank holiday this year, then we found out about dad 2 days later. Devastated.

Hi Laney,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Community. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis, so soon after the loss of your mum. It is no wonder you are feeling devastated.

I’m glad that you’ve found our community, as many people do find that it helps a little to have a safe space to be honest about their feelings.

We have lots of members here who understand what it’s like when someone they love is seriously ill, or what it’s like to lose someone.

Have you had any support following the death of your mum or have you had to concentrate more on your dad’s diagnosis? If you feel it might help you to talk about your loss, try contacting the Cruse Bereavement on 0844 477 9400 or

How is your dad coping today after his chemo? Side effects can vary a lot from person to person, so he won’t necessarily be badly affected. It’s a good idea for him to let his medical team know about any side effects that he does have - as there is often something they can do to help.

If you need information or support about your dad’s diagnosis, Macmillan Cancer Support also has a helpline on 0808 808 0000.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

I can’t imagine how tough this time must be for you - do you have any close friends you can talk to? My Mum died in November last year so the anniversary is coming up & it would have been her birthday on Monday. I had bereavement counselling after my Mum died which helped me enormously. What I’ve also learned is to be kind to myself & not pretend to be ok or put on a brave face…that takes too much energy and emotion. There are lovely people out there who care & will listen & support you. Do you have any brothers or sisters who can support your Dad with you?

I’m really sorry to hear about the loss and the diagnosis. My Dad had lung cancer too so I know how hard it is to lose a parent. You just have to look after yourself and make sure you take time to grieve properly and in your own time and only do things when you feel ready.

Thank you, Hoping he was coming out of hospital in a couple of days, but they are wanting to keep him in a bit longer.

Hi Thank you for your kind words, I have 1 brother and 1 sister, we are a very close family, so we are lucky in that way. We haven’t really had time to grieve for mum. due to the shock of my dad, has the news about him came so quickly, 5 week ago we thought he might have just had asthma or something.

Hi dad was quite good today, he is on anti sickness drugs after his chemo, so hoping they will work. Could not believe the things that the chemotherapy nurse advised him not to eat, because of his good bacteria cells being killed of by the chemo, but we will try to help him eat as healthy as possible.

Hi thank you
I am trying to look after myself as much as possible, Dad had a good day today, just hope he has more good ones then bad.

Hi Laney,

Glad to see you checking back in here, and that you’ve had a couple more supportive replies from other members.

Good to hear that your dad is doing ok so far. Yes, chemo puts you at higher risk of infection, which is why he needs to be careful what he eats. It’s good that he has you and the rest of the family to support him and make sure he gets a healthy diet.

Hi Dad is a bit down today, Dr says that the weekend will be probably when he will get the worst from the chemo, I have got Emetophobia, so I m dreading him getting sick, as I wont be able to go see him.

Oh dear, it is a shame that you won’t be able to see him if he gets sick, but having a phobia is not your fault. Can your brother and sister go and see him when you can’t?

Maybe you can keep in touch with him over the phone or by Skype at those times, so you can still give him a bit of support, even if you can’t be there in person.

Hi Priscilla, Thank you for your support, im sure dad will understand, he knows how I am with things like this. Went to see hi today, they are talking about him coming home on Monday, which he his glad about, but we are worried because he will be on his own now that mum has passed, through the day his neighbours will pop round for us, but t is the night time when we are worried about him being on his own, if my brother hadn’t have been there last sat, at 3 in the morning when he could hardly breath, then we don’t know what would have happened.

Hi Laney,

Was your dad able to come home today?

It’s understandable that you’re worried about him being home alone, but I should hope his medical team wouldn’t send him home if they had concerns about his condition. Has he got contact details so that he can get hold of them if he needs them?

Hi Pricilla, Dad came home today, he is a bit down though, but its only to be expected, has mums not there anymore, he did not want to come to stay with us, as wanted to be in his own home, we just hope he will be ok

Sorry to hear that he’s feeling down. It sounds as though he does prefer to be in his own home. As you say, he is dealing with losing your mum as well as his own illness, which must be incredibly tough for him.

All you can do is be there for him as much as you can - although you are bound to worry about him, too.

Hi Priscilla
Dad was a bit better today, we were saying last night we wish we could take him away for a few days, but as you will know he cannot fly while he is having chemo, he wanted to go to Spain to see his sister, but we dare not tell him yet about not being able to fly, he does not have his last chemo until may.

Hi Laney,

Glad your dad is doing a little bit better.

He will have ups and downs during his chemo cycles so it might be possible that there will be a time when he could take a short break somewhere in the UK - you will have to see how it goes.

Macmillan have some information about travel and cancer, which might be helpful, although you should talk to his medical team for more specific information about his situation:

It is a shame that he won’t be able to see his sister for so long. Could you find out if she could come over for a visit? That might lift his spirits a bit.

Hi Laney
So glad you’re dad’s doing a bit better. As Priscilla says there will be ups and downs which can be unpredictable.
If you do think of going away we found Mia Travel Insurance to be the best. John wanted to go to Venice and Florence couple of years ago and we were quoted ridiculous prices some over a thousand. I found Mia Travel on the Cancer Research website and found their Insurance very reasonable.

Hope the side effects won’t be too bad.
Take care
Libby x

Hi Libby
Thank you for your reply.
Dad is not sleeping at all, doctor says if he takes sleeping tablets, they will make him feel really rubbish in the morning, so we are going to ask the chemo nurse if there is anything they know about what will help him sleep. Not sure at the moment about going away, a she cant fly anywhere while he is on chemo so I have been told.

Dad passed away yesterday at 2.30am