New experiences! I’ve just started, yoga, line dancing. And going to acuppa & chat group today. Sometimes i wonder what the hell I’m doing there, i just want to be back at home crocheting while my husband watches tv. Its a horrible feeling. I get so distraught! I guess like you I will find what I’m happy doing one day. But its such an effort to get out there and do stuff.
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I went to a chat group earlier this week - felt a bit like a fish out of water, maybe I’ll get used to it .
But so often when I go to these events at some stage I lose concentration and end up remembering the reason that I’m there - because I’m not doing something with my partner (or even nothing - I loved nothing more than sitting in the garden chilling out with a glass of wine).
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@Wisteria, I know what you mean re fish out of water. I’ll give it a go. We also just loved to sit outside and a lovely glass of wine, chatting. Haven’t been able to do that on my own as yet.
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First time I sat on the patio just to relax in the garden I was just swept away by a wave of tears. I’m better now, but still feel so keenly the empty space beside me.
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Nice to hear of others from the West Country. I am in Dorset. 7 months since my husband passed away. Don’t know where the time went. I still find it strange him not being around and having to do all the jobs around the house. I have joined a few groups and made new friends so I know I will survive on my own. Not what was in our plans so learning to adjust
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Wisteria I completely understand.
I too appear to be moving on with the heartache of my loss. I know I have to move forward but it is more difficult than most can imagine.
From the outside in I appear strong but from the inside out I’m broken.
I’m going on holidays and planning activities but sometimes I feel like it’s a virtual life.
I wish you all the strength to carry on. Sounds like your doing well xx
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Hi @Wisteria
I did exactly that. I overloaded until I was ill. At first it was sorting everything out and finding new homes for some of my husbands belongings. I have always thrived on being a busy person but there is only so much we can do. Lockdown forced me to rethink and I realised I didn’t need to keep rushing around as I have more than enough to keep me occupied but I have slowed down and stopped rushing around and now enjoy what I do and don’t feel I have anything to prove…
Pat
xx
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@Wisteria Give yourself time regarding the sitting on the patio. It was the last place that my husband and I sat outside together and I just couldn’t be bothered afterwards. I looked after the garden because I am a keen gardener but never felt I could sit out there. After a while I gave it a go with a good book and my love for the garden all clicked into place. Again I would say don’t push it just wait and things will slowly slip back into place.
Regarding socialising this also was something I just couldn’t do or enjoy. I did try but I became bored stiff and just wanted to go home. I joined clubs and went to social gatherings locally but nothing seemed to really interest me. So again I reverted back to the things that I did enjoy and felt comfortable with.
Pat
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Caw1 Same for me - it is 7 months since my husband passed away here in Dorset. I too find it very strange being here on my own. Some days I feel I am getting used to it, other days it is very lonely. You can have a lovely time visiting friends and family, but in the end you come back to an empty house.
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Your words totally resonated with me and yes it’s uncharted territory when it comes to making any kind of plans. My inner voice tells me ‘just do it’
I lost the love of my life to cancer in December2019 then the pandemic hit and so I like all of us had to cope with my grief at such a difficult time. As soon as we were permitted to travel further from home I was back ‘on it’ the bucket list was a real thing for us both so I knew I had to continue with at least some of those dreams. I felt he was with me in my heart. I enjoyed my holidays, felt so proud of myself for going solo. We’ve all only got one life & have to try and continue living it the best we can to honour their memory 
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Thank you @SweetRocket for telling us about your solo travelling. Did you use one of the companies specialising in solo travel or did you use one of the conventional ones?
I think you have done incredibly well. It’s 27 weeks since I lost my dear husband and don’t feel that I could holiday at the moment but do hope to eventually.
xx
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That is an amazing way to look at your bucket list. I too hope to be able to complete some of our bucket list in the future, but at the moment it seems too daunting.
No I went cruising and by myself as its something we loved doing together and its actually perfect as a solo as you can mingle if you choose to or just do your own thing. when I was younger in my twenties I was in the travel business and frequently went on trips without my husband as they were for educational and research. I told myself ‘you got this’ did it as a young woman so should be absolutely fine as a 60+ I really was as well, met some lovely people and have been away 4 times since. Even convinced another friend who also lost his wife in 2021 to ‘just do it’ he also had a brilliant time and will no doubt go again. losing our loved ones is so hard but to me it highlights that we are not here forever and life sure aint no dress rehearsal! My husband would not want me to be falling into a big black hole….
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You have described everything I am going through x I lost my husband just over 3 years ago , I’ve had counselling even tried to take my own life. I have had a lot of support from my stepson , his wife and their daughter. Hayley accepted me as her grandma when she was only 4 . We have a special bond x We all still see each other . My daughter in law persuaded me to move on . I found an old school friend who was separated and we developed a relationship. I still feel guilty even though my husband told me on his death bed that I had to find someone. It’s been a difficult time . I still have my down days . I know I will never forget my husband. He was everything to me. I’m still depressed but I do have some good days . It’s hard . Being able to talk through this site is making it a little easier.
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It’s definitely a tough journey, and each one of us has a unique story. You touched on an important aspect, the support that you have around you. And the support that you create - those new activities that I was talking about.
However you manage your grief, it’s your journey and that makes it ok, if it works for you.
I still have several aspects that I need to explore through this group, you’re right - having this site to talk through is helpful.
I wish you well on your foreword journey.
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As you say I’ve had support from my husbands family and mine but it’s amazing how you still feel so alone . It’s been an uphill battle and I’m afraid it still is . I know I have to let go and let myself live again but that’s what I’m struggling with. I don’t feel I have the right too, and I know that’s silly . I’m 61 coming on for 62 . Losing my husband was the worst day of my life . So I am trying .
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Yes, always difficult. So often I wake in the morning and feel overwhelmed by how pointless things are now.
I’m a similar age to you at 66, and my partner was 62 when he died last year. We didn’t meet until we were in our 30’s, but I’d always dreamed about celebrating some big milestones into old age.
For me the way forward is to fill the day - get up and get on with it!
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When my gorgeous beautiful wife sue was in hospital December last year .i said i was thinking of selling my bike and trike as i had lost interest in finishing them off .her answer was to say you sell them and i will come back and haunt you lol.so its back finishing them off and go to the ace cafe London like we were planning to and a run to Scotland for a few days
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She will indeed come back and haunt you if you give up on your goals… keep at it and make that journey! It’s what your lovely wife would want you to do. She’s the wind beneath your wings.
Make sure you post a progress report on here as well 
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