New Here - Just want to get better

I lost my Mum on the 4th January 2021. She was only 56 years old and it was so sudden. She had an embolism, I don’t really understand medicine & I still can’t really wrap my head around what happened or what may have caused it, and it pains me. I wonder if something could’ve been done sooner, or helped somehow.

She was one of the best people ever. Literally would do anything for anyone, never put herself first. She made me who I am, and helped me be strong. She was the BEST mum to all of us, and I’m so sad she never got to be a grandma. I wanted her to give me away when I got married, now I’m planning my wedding and all I can think about is how much she would’ve loved our venue, and the dress I’ve chosen, and how she’d want to be involved in absolutely everything.

I think I’ve managed quite well in the last 6 months, but I’ve recently started to feel badly depressed and anxious. I just want her here. I miss everything about her, her voice, face, her hugs, everything I know I’ll never be able to have again. I dream about her all the time, but I can never see her, she’s just there. I don’t know if this has any connection. Maybe I’m finally coming to terms with the fact I’m never going to be with her again in this life? I don’t know. I’m just really struggling, and I don’t want to be. She’d hate to see how upset I am at the moment, I just feel so lonely, like I’m at the bottom of a pit and there’s no way out.


Hello, I’m also new to this page and just read your post and I am so sorry for your loss. Your mum sounds like a lovely lady and her absence must be incredibly painful at the time you are planning your wedding. This grief thing is such a personal journey that we each experience in different ways but I think we all share moments of similarity so I hope that by sharing your feelings you get some comfort from others on here. Your mum will be so proud of you and I’m sure she is watching from above. Hold on tight to your precious memories and remind yourself that they are the hugs you are missing right now, love is always there even if you can’t physically touch it xx


Darling that is so hard. I lost my dad suddenly on 24th April. I am a nurse and PE is sudden most of the time and strikes without warning. It is OK to feel cheated of your mum, I do of my dad, especially as I have found out things about his med history we never knew when he was alive. I feel the hospital violated him and as a nurse why didn’t I notice he was declining?, My mum is in bits and how do I live with myself. Having said that I was covid positive over Easter and stayed away. He was bright and cheerful over the phone so I thought dad was OK. I feel so cheated, we were supposed to have dinner over Easter but I was ill. I never saw him alive again. It feels so lonely and like I say, I feel God has cheated on me. Surely I should have noticed as a nurse, but I didn’t and he died. How so my love are you supposed to see what’s going on if a trained professional of 30 years can’t???