I thought I’d join here and see if this could help me at all.
I lost my mum at Christmas time.
She had a major heart attack a year ago and it ruptured a hole in her heart which they gauzed. After being in intensive care for 5 weeks and being severely ill, she came home. For 6 months she struggled with her breathing and weakness. It was horrible to see. She had to go back in November to have a skin graft on this hole inside the chamber of her heart. Her lungs were filling with fluid too.
They operated and found her valve had also broke.
She didn’t wake up. I held her hand whilst they turned the machines off.
I’m reeling. I feel sick most if the time and panic stricken I can’t get her back. She was my best friend and we were inseparable.
I had a full hysterectomy at the end of October and she was helping my have blood thinning injections one minute and gone the next. I was coming to terms with that and recovering from that as well.
I’m lost. And I’m empty and my heart is in pieces for my dad. My mum and dad grew up from 16 together. My mum was only 69.
I feel like my inner child is screaming. I just don’t know how to handle all of this together along with all the worry of how lonely my dad is now.
I’m out of sorts and uneasy and tired with holding it together to focus on work but even that’s hard. I threw myself back.
My chest is aching all the time. The loss of her is immense as she was a massive part of all our lives.
The same thing that happened to her, happened to her mum, so I am going through what she went through 30 years ago.
I feel mad if I laugh at something…which isn’t often.