New here so Breakdown and fertility

Losing a partner
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Hi,

My partner died in July I am 35 he was 61 he had cancer for a while but he had an op in may caught an infection from it and never really recovered. He died in hospital - No last words and he didnt go peacefully so that doesnt help.

I feel like its getting harder as time goes on but think its just because its getting dark (he used too meet me at bus stop after work When i did late shifts) and he loved everything about christmas.

We didnt live together though a few years ago did move into a downstairs flat right below him and we were together all the time i had my evening meals with him and he was my rock so its a big adjustment without him.

I dont have any friends but my parents have been an amazing support.

Anyway the main reason i am here we were going through fertility as well we’d been trying for over 7 years and not getting anywhere it took us over a year and a half to get where we were so that hasnt helped they keep his sperm for 10 years though cant get treatment after 42 so have 4 really but the issue is because we werent married will now be classed as a single person and have been advised its not likely i will get NHS help because the problem isnt with me and working P/T (started again recently didnt want too jump into full time work and have an elderly granny i look after) i’m not going to be able too save enough too afford it - things might change next year just didnt want too make any more big decisions at the moment…
So i feel like i’m not just grieving him i’m grieving our child that probably wont happen (even more so cos i promised on his death bed i’ll be ok and i’ll stick with fertility etc) and i’m not sure how to deal with it all…

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner, @Heffalump. I’m just giving your thread a gentle “bump” - I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts.

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Thankyou i dont know if i expect replies its hard too know what too say sometimes i just wanted too let everytging out on a safe space.

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Heffa - you have been hit with 2 losses. your partner and your future family. I am so sorry.

I know fertility treatments, IVF, etc. are crazy expensive and if my friends’ kids are any example, there are many, many fails. In fact of the 3 couples I personally know, none of them have been successful. As a matter of fact, after a few attempts and an outlay of tens of thousands of dollars, they had to stop trying. One couple adopted a newborn after being on the list for 3 years.

Perhaps you should re-evaluate your position. You are young, single, taking care of granny, working part-time and find yourself suddenly without your partner of 7 years. Don’t add the fertilization issues onto your already full plate. It is not something to worry about right now. You have time. Put it on the back burner for a minute. In a year you may feel differently about being a single mom, raising a child with no father.

Give yourself the luxury of not thinking of this for a year or 18 months. Then, if you want to continue and have the funds, try again. Right now, you need to heal without any added pressures.

JMHO

Much love from New Orleans.

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