I lost my wife to cancer. I watched her die. I don’t know why I’m here. I’ve been looking around at the posts and see a lot of pain, and a lot of platitudes .
Not looking for platitudes or sympathy. Just looking for answers. There don’t seem to be any.
So sorry you’ve lost your wife Tom
I’m afraid there are no answers.
But we do all undetstand , if that helps
No, I don’t have any answers either, but I wish I did. I suppose I am here because everyone understands how it feels to lose someone loved. Friends and family are wonderful if you’re lucky enough to have some. But they don’t know the absolute agony that we know.
I hope you find some comfort here.
There are no answers Tom. Everything seems pointless now. I don’t normally engage with social media but at least visiting this site made me realise it wasn’t just me and I have found support and understanding from others in this devastating situation.
It’s been 3 months today.
I thought I was getting a little better with the new world but it has hit me hard this last few days.
Can’t see much hope. She organised our social life and I haven’t spoken to anyone for a week. I am struggling to go out. Not eating much. I can’t see a point in going on.
The only thing that I can see a point in living for is to keep her memory alive, and to look after our pets.
Otherwise I’m done.
@Tom-Tom Hi and sadly welcome to, the site. Sorry to hear of your wife’s death, I watched my wife die of the same around 20 months ago. To be honest that part never gets any better, but the memory does fade, it does get easier. 3 months is really still early days, for me at 4 months the shock wore off and then that’s when I was able to start feeling again and so start processing what had happened. I came to this site and joined in. It’s a rough road in front of you, it’s the same for us all. And we find ourselves here. Talking in platitudes. But really, fucking weirdly, making sense.
2 Likes
3 months is not long for something as huge as loosing your wife, I am just over 7 weeks in. I still feel empty and hollow, and like you say there seems no purpose to life.
This week I have been out to meet some new friends and I also went to play badminton at a local club. It has made me feel a bit better, being with other people is a natural thing for humans, I think you are feeling worse because you are isolated. Even if you go and walk round town or local parks you will see other people and perhaps feel a little better. Would you consider getting a dog or borrowing a dog to walk, that would give you a purpose. Or would you consider doing some voluntary work for example in a charity shop. You will have others to chat to and you will feel satisfied because you are doing something useful.
If you do one thing each day that gets you out of the house it will get easier, try and make a plan, write it down on your calendar and do your best to stick to it. eg tomorrow I am going to walk round town…or walk around the park. Then on Monday I am going to make enquiries at the local charity shops to start volunteering. etc etc. I can almost guarantee that you will feel less lonely and isolated. Just making the plan will make you feel more positive. You don’t say where you are but most places have quite a bit going on such as rambling groups, singing groups, there maybe some gardening projects. The local library could have info or an age UK office.
Hope this helps you Tom. Please keep chatting on here as that helps a lot too.
2 Likes
I won’t be volunteering I work full time. I’m not old.
1 Like
Oh right, is there anyone you can reach out to at work ?
I have colleagues at work, none that I would share this pain with.
I work remotely. High tech. Not a normal 9-5 scenario.
Also a library ? lol.
Hi Tom Tom
I watched my partner of 21 years die to blood cancer at 05.32 yesterday. Im looking for the why too! There is only one good thing i suppose, your wife like Harry there is no more pain, no more chemo.
But i suppose if you are like me, there is No more hope
Be whatever you need to be, find a place where its less painful. I only joined this site tonight because im lost, trying to find support from people i don’t know.
2 Likes
My wife died at 04:30.
I wake every morning at 04:20.
Like Groundhog Day.
An ever repeating nightmare for 3 months straight.
Tough to see, i have relived it so many times no one can understand how truly sad, frightening it is! But i bet you can
@penny6 just wanted to say, that was a supportive and very thoughtful message you sent to @Tom-Tom. I thought so, anyway.
4 Likes
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s so recent for you.
I can’t promise it gets any better in the short term.
I’m like raw nerves walking around.
No you didn’t, its ok! And thank you