Before Dean passed I got told about an upcoming permanent role at a sister site for the role I was doing as a Maternity cover. We discussed it and he said I should go for it.
Well I had the interview today and they offered me the role. Its still such early days and feels wrong making this decision but in some ways I would be mad not to take it as it is more money and since he passed I have realised that we will need it in the future, as it’s just me now supporting the family.
Why is every decision so hard to make on my own. I can do the job but it’s another change.
Sorry just needed to off-load and clear my thoughts a little.
Congratulations on the job. I’m sure your partner is very proud. Everything we do now will have a negative aspect to it, whether that’s down to single decisions, not being able to share it with them, not being able to talk about it with them. There will always be something. . I still talk to my partner through a diary. He can’t answer me but I can pretty much decipher what he would have said as I knew him so well.
I send Dean texts everyday and also write to him every couple of days. I am finding that it helps me process a bit better, especially as the children are around alot of the time.
@Freefaller im doing exactly the same thing. I write to Ann every night before bed just to tell her about my day. I do find it cathartic and its as though we are having a conversation, albeit one sided.
Different people do different things to help them cope. I dont want to forget Ann its quite the opposite. With so much time on my hands i try to think of ways to commemorate our life together. I came up with the idea of compiling a playlist of songs dedicated to Ann and also my loss. Its a tough listen some days but it works for me. I’ve now turned that into a CD which i play in the car whenever im driving. We went everywhere together and i feel she’s now with me in the car.