New life

Hello im new here. Lost my partner of 20 years very suddenly 10 weeks today. We had just moved home 3 days prior, was watching a film and having a cuppa and a chat next thing im calling 999. I am haunted by that night and by what i witnessed in hospital. How do you even begin to process this? Lofe ia so incredibly lonely now and i dont know how i go on without my soulmate. Gentle hugs to you all x


Big hugs to you. It’s been two years for me so I’m a bit further along this journey but believe me it still hurts so much but you do learn to live alongside the grief and loneliness. I was married 44 years and have never lived alone but I have now got used to it but that doesn’t mean I like it. Take each day as it comes don’t plan too far ahead that’s the way I’ve dealt with it.

Warm wishes


@Brokenlady sorry for your loss and joining the club nobody wants to join. The suddenness of your loss must be so difficult to process. It’s been 17 weeks since my husband passed away from cancer. Although we knew it was going to happen it was much sooner and traumatic than we thought. This forum has been a huge help to me and hopefully will be to you too. Take care.


I thought i was doing better i hadnt cried for 4 straight days, and then it hit me again last night and iv cried for 14 hours.


My gp recommended i found somewhere to speak to people in same horrible journey as myself, im not very good at talking to people face to face at moment so really hoping this will help me. I am so sorry for your loss are you doing ok?


@Brokenlady I am so sorry that you lost your husband. What a shock for you. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly 7 months ago. He was 53 years old. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. The rawness of the early days are not so consuming. I still cry every day and miss my husband so much. We have been robbed of our future plans and dreams. I been told that grief is like a roller coaster and some days are better than other days. I keep myself busy seeing friends and working a few hours a week. I often shout and scream in the car. I take one hour/day at a time and try not to look into the future. Life indeed is unfair and cruel. Hopefully you have a lot of support. Take care and big hugs xx


@brokenlady. It’s been 8 weeks for me. It seems like forever and yesterday at the same time. I cry most days. Sometimes i almost think I can see him out of the corner of me eye. He died within 2 weeks of his diagnosis of bowel cancer. 2 days before his birthday. We had been together 50 years. It is so painful but I know I have to carry on. This forum helps. Good luck on your journey. Xx


I am so sorry for your loss, i have returned to work mainly due to financial reasons more than wanted too but my heart really isnt in it, i am a boss if 18 staff and failing them all at moment which adds to the guilt. You are so right it is moat definatly a rollercoaster and i want to get off it :frowning: xx


I am so sorry for your loss, i get what you mean i also feel like i see my husband and i can hear him, the pain is eating me alive at moment it hurts so so bad. Gentle hugs to you xx


@Brokenlady My husband was 49 when he died suddenly and unexpectedly. The shock of the instant change in your life doesn’t go away. At the beginning, I was heartbroken, life changed irreversibly in an instant. Life as I knew it, was over.

6 months in and I’m doing ok. I miss him desperately and it takes some getting used to, making decisions, relying on yourself and family and friends. I still cry often but not all consuming and the rawness has gone. I miss our life but I’m making a new one, as I don’t have a choice. I either sink or swim.

Take small steps, just put one foot in front of the other and focus only on the coming hours. The days will pass, some full of grief and some lighter.

I don’t believe we ever get over it, we learn to live along side it. It’s there in everything we do.on the bad days, let the grief happen, embrace it and just accept the bad day. Appreciate the brighter days, they will come.

The world doesn’t stop for us, we have to move with it and as hard as that is and as frustrating as it is, keep moving with it, unfortunately we have to just walk through the grief to move forward.

Be kind to yourself.


@Brokenlady that must be so hard being a boss of 18 staff. I’m sure that you are not failing them. Don’t feel guilty as you have got enough to cope with. Hopefully they will understand what you are going through and supporting you. . Have you applied for bereavement support payment? So awful that we have to apply for it at our age I know. Take care and big hugs xx


Sometimes I wish I still worked. It gives you something to concentrate on. But brain fog that comes with grief must make management difficult. Not that it is easy at the best of times having been there. Grief makes you second guess every decision. Take your time and be easy on yourself.

Hugs. Sandra


@Brokenlady I think talking to others in a similar position really does help. I’m doing better than I was. Small steps and keeping busy. Thank you for asking.


Thaank you so much for your advice, you are so right, we are all in this horrible club and hopwfully we can all help each other in even the amallest ways xx


I did but i was turned down as we dont have children under 18, i got no help atol sadly so had to return to work. I have loat both our cars as they was in his name and i had to buy them out right to keep them as they wont transfer finance, were in a new house we had only spent 3 days here when this happened, i feel like absolitly everything is wrong right now, its not my life atol xx


Im so glad you mebtioned the fog as i thought i was going mad, i forget the simplest of things, im putting things away wrong at home, i even found my toilet roll in the fridge last week :see_no_evil: xx


Thats not right … neither have i ! Everybody is entitled to bereavment benefit … kids or not . You need to look into that again … its not income related either xxx

I did appeal it and was still turned down. The funeral home adviaed me to apply and are shocked i didnt get it either. I applied for universal cresit to tide me over being off work and iv had a zero award, i wasnt being paid i was on ssp so dont know how your suppsoed to pay bills off that. It all adda to an already stressful time and you just think what else have i got to deal with xx

1 Like

Hey ??? Were you married ??? Or partners ? Xx

Married xx