Hello to anyone out there.
I came to seek help with a little empathy and advice. See my husband and I have been together not even a year married for 4 months and we have been arguing for almost 3 weeks. My husband lost his mum about 3 years ago. She was diagnosed with cancer and he was there by her side until the day she passed on which was about a year in total. They lived together in the flat we live in now, this is Her Flat. We were apart for 3 months while dealing with immigration stuff and I’ve been back home with him for 3 weeks.
My background:
During that time of his life, I was going through a brutal divorce with someone who had schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I was mentally drained and ended up in a psych hospital for trying to commit suicide. Since then things happened to me in life. I met a lot of narcissists one of whom managed to get a lot of money from me and I was sexually assaulted. I decided to move my life to Scotland where I met my now husband. I can and am one to admit that I have had a few mental breakdowns in the last few years. When I met my husband he was so understanding of what I had gone through. And I was empathetic of what he had gone through. I honestly don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent but I can empathise to the extent of losing people I have loved all tragically and unexpectedly. And I understand it’s not the same.
My husband has been very isolated since his mum’s passing, he’s always been an introvert, he doesn’t make friends easily and is used to being on his own. He grieves very heavily about his mum to the point of depression, and irritability, he is short-tempered and says often enough that he wishes he wouldn’t wake up in the morning or that he’s not lucky enough to just get hit by a bus while he’s out. While we were separated he fell deep into depression and isolation. Many times he would ignore my calls, and texts, and would tell me that we weren’t going to work out and we should just end things now before we got attached more and it hurt more later when it eventually will happen regardless because marriages don’t work out.
While I was away not out of choice mind you, I had an alarm going off almost every two hours to make sure I text him while I was supposed to have been sleeping. I would call him afterwards or before bed so that he would feel less alone and remind him that I’m here and not going anywhere. We were arguing a lot about immigration stuff, money, loneliness, missing one another, and how hard the whole situation was. Being away wasn’t easy for me either. I worried about him, what he may or may not do not just to harm himself but our relationship as well. I worried I wasn’t doing enough to show him he wasn’t alone in life. Since we have been back together we have held one another even during the darkest of times. We have said some not-so-great things to one another and have gotten to the point of almost being physical. It’s an ugly side.
I am on the path of seeking help as I was once before. My husband says he will never seek help with his depression or his grief because no amount of talking about it or medication, or meditation or CBT will take away the fact that his mum is gone. The only thing he would do is cut off his leg to bring her back and that can’t and won’t happen. We are at an impasse do we stay together or do we go our separate ways? He tells me he probably isn’t going to live much longer anyway, and that if or when he dies I won’t be none the wiser nor will anybody because he will be alone. How can I leave someone who has no one? How do I love and live a happy life with that on my shoulders? 
I don’t know what to do. My heart and brain are split in two separate directions. I’m mentally not doing well myself.