Hi everyone. I’m Bunnii. I’ve decided to join this community to finally attempt to address and process 3 traumatic bereavements I have experienced. I don’t know where to start or what the etiquette of the forum is so I’ll just tell you a bit about my losses. All we’re in my immediate close circle and I have been diagnosed with PTSD since I was 22 (now 37) so I believe this has an impact on my ability to grieve and address what happened due to the circumstances. It’s as if I’ve put a blocker around the events because it’s too distressing and painful so I’ve never actively grieved for my loved ones if that makes sense?
My first bereavement was extremely traumatic and tragic and trigger warning: car accident is the primary cause of my PTSD diagnosis.
In 2006 aged 22 I was in a car accident and my passenger, my 18 year old boyfriend was killed. I lost my left eye and was left with pronounced scarring from my injuries, I was unconscious and in hospital after numerous surgical operations on my eye, face, knee and arm that was degloved. I spent a week in hospital but survived. However I was arrested and charged with causing death by dangerous driving because I admitted I had swerved to avoid an animal in the road which led to me losing control and going under the back end of a lorry. I pleaded guilty because it was the right thing to do in my opinion and was sentenced to 12 months in prison of which I served 5. Whilst in prison my Mum died. I couldn’t be there when she was asking for me at the end it was horrific to know she was pleading for me and I was unable to go to her. I believe that because I wasn’t there living it I can’t grieve as it’s like it didn’t happen to me. I was my mums world and she was my rock. During this time my best friend was so supportive and stood by me and through thick and thin until in 2018 I suddenly lost her too to tragic circumstances. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to write so will leave it at that as an introduction. Thanks for reading x
Hi Bunniilady11,
After such horrendous experiences it’s hardly any wonder that you know how to begin here, but begin you have and now that you have jumped in you can write as often and as much as is helpful to you. I’m quite new here and have found it to be very supportive and writing about my own experience has helped a lot.
Maybe it would help you to process if you read about the loss that others have known? I’ve read a lot and it has made me realise that I’m not so different and alone as I had previously thought.
We can walk with you on this journey, if you would like us to. I hope we hear from you again. 
Oh my goodness Bunnii, I am so very sorry for everything you have been through. Such horrific events. It’s no wonder you feel like you do.
I hope it helps you to write everything down, also to read other’s stories.
My heart truly does go out to you. I hope you can eventually find a kind some peace with all your trauma & loss. X
Hi Bunnii
I’m sorry for your losses, and that you were actually charged with death by dangerous driving and spent time in prison, for what was effectively, an accident. It must have been so difficult knowing your Mum was ill and you were unable to go to her. Then losing the best friend who stood by you through everything must have been incredibly difficult too.
You said you were your Mum’s world, she would have known how much you loved and cared about her and would have understood why you were unable to visit her. Please try and take some comfort from that.
Grieving any loss is hard and unresolved grief can gnaw away at us. I hope you are able to find some support.
Hello there,
I am really sorry to hear your story - you have been through a real nightmare. What comes across in your post is your integrity and your strength- two things that are carrying you through. You have the right to grieve, for those you have lost and for yourself- your injuries and the time you lost when you were in prison because of an accident. Sue Ryder offers free counselling and Bunni, it could help you process your experience and to grieve. Thank you for joining our community. We are here for each other. I keep popping in here and always find messages that help. You are doing really well, keep going.
I just want to hug you , I’ve been struggling with multiple bereavements over the last 2yrs one after another my best friend, my darling mother and my beautiful sister last week ,it makes each death so hard to process before you are hit again with another . Grief and sadness seems to follow you around every corner of your life seems empty I so feel for you take care you are in my thoughts ks77
bunniilady11,
I am sorry for your losses. I am not in your situation but mine is also similar without all of the trauma. I have had many deaths in my lifetime starting with my Mother in a car accident when I was 2. I won’t list all of the others since but fast forward to January 2021 when my friend who I was a caregiver for died. While we knew he was going to die we didn’t know when it would happen. While taking care of his funeral arrangements my loving wife of 34 years died suddenly and unexpectedly in March 2021 at the age of 53 leaving me to continue to care for her Mother who had dementia all alone. MIL died in August 2021 and then My loving wife’s cousin who I have known for most of her life died at only 38 and then in January 2022 my Mothers last sibling, my Uncle died. I am not telling you this to compare grief but to explain that I somewhat understand the multiple grieving. I have really not fully processed any of the individual deaths and none have been as hard as my loving wife. But as has been stated come here write what you feel and write as often as you can or want. There will be responses and if you are like me they will help, each in there own way. You will see that you are not alone and you will never be judged for what you say. I come to express my anger, my pain, my sadness and just to let the people know what is happening. take care, John
Thank you for your kind reply and support, it’s so hard just coping every day with the knowledge that they are no more. I was heart broken when mum died but I am completely grief stocked over my sister she was of no age to die with cancer as she did (this went undiagnosed for along time) and her treatment was dreadful all being blamed on covid .I can not express my anger where so many times we were told there were no beds available anywhere including the hospice in our area it’s been the most exhausting situation I’ve ever found myself in arguing with the NHS who no longer can offer any palliative care only sue Ryder who’s resources were low due to COVID again!! My sister as like my mum were both forced to die at home with only myself and another family member to cope with seeing them in pain and do all there care and nursing due to so said staffing shortages So many times I spoke out and told the various so called professionals if you want people to die at home Put palliative care in the community I think it always fell on deaf ears.
I only wish I could have recorded all my conversations and arguments with them so that I now had something to back me up in my complaints about there unfortant endings without what should have been the nesc care the NHS should have offered (cradle-to-grave) no longer exists it’s out of date love to you all Karen 77