New member

Losing a partner
1

Hi

I am new to the website and would like to share with other people going through the tragic experience of caring and losing their loved ones.
I lost my husband on the 5th February 2026. We were married and lived together for 27 years. My husband had dementia, which was sadly part of being an alcoholic in the past. Which started with a kidney infection, therefore he was put on withdrawal. After a month in hospital, he was no longer able to drink, as it would most probably kill him. He agreed and stopped drinking.

Then I became his carer, and he was diagnosed with dementia 4 years ago. Although carers for just 30 minutes three times a day were coming to our home. It was me who was doing most of the caring, medication, dressing my husband, appointments, meals etc. were all organised by me.

We all know how hard this is, and especially with little respite. Sadly this was when my husband became ill. He didn’t want to live in a care home. So while I went away for a week substantial carers came to our home. However my husband on the last day of my break, fell and hit his head on the floor in our home.

Whilst I was coming home he was taken to hospital. Sadly he deteriorated over time, as he was no longer able to eat, as food got logged in his throat. I was told there and then he didn’t have long to live. It was heartbreaking seeing him suffer like this.

The plan was for him to be transferred to palliative care, sadly he passed away in hospital.

I miss him every single day, the memories the good times is all I think about. It’s hard for me to smile, I have felt so sad for such a long time. I try not think about the time of dementia. Just the happy days, of fun, laughter and holidays. But still I can’t lift my mood. It’s scary when time moves on, I’m totally lost.

Thank you for allowing me to share my experience. I feel so alone, I need to share my experiences with those who understand.

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Dear Cassie!
It has been over 1 year since my most beloved husband died and although I try to think positively, those sad moments are always coming back and torturing me. I’ve done my best for him, being with him always and giving him my love with all my heart… I’m sure that you did what you could as well and he knows that all now, as well as my dearest husband from heaven. One kind priest said something that I’ll never forget: “Our loved ones are close to us more than we think”. This is a great place I’ve found not long ago, very active, full of immensely kind and understanding people, who share, help and support as much as possible to go through this misery… You’re never alone…
Janka

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Morning @Cassie_2024
I am so sorry for your loss , and what you have experienced recently. I lost my husband suddenly 8 months ago . The few months were terrible and now are just a blur . I hope you have family and friends to support you . Take it a day at time , the week end can be really difficult to get through. There are plenty of caring people on here who understand. Look after yourself.

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Sorry for your loss, you’re still very early in your grief. Losing your life partner/husband rips your heart out. You did your best for him, that’s something to hold on to. It’s good that you can concentrate on your memories, personally I find even the good ones make me cry as I ll never make any more with my partner, he died suddenly eight months ago. Do you have friends or family who can support you? It’s better if you’re not alone. Some people say a bereavement group or counselling is helpfulI. I wish I could say it will get better soon but grief can be a long and rocky path. Keep posting on here, we are all at different stages. The circumstances may be different but we understand the pain.

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Hi Tracey, I am so sorry to hear your pain. My wife died just over a month before your husband after two years of cancer treatments. I attended a 12 week bereavement course which helped me. As well as posting on this site where everyone understands how you feel. I think it’s good to talk through things because time alone isn’t enough. Have you looked into counselling or bereavement groups etc? I hope you have support from friends and family as this is when you need help.
Wishing you all the strength you will need
All the best
Tom

:hugs::people_hugging:

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Hello Cassie, so sorry to hear about your husband’s passing :cry: my husband passed away in March, also in the hospital. Its been very hard every day without him, I miss him terribly :pensive_face:. I also was his caregiver, and it was heartbreaking see him decline. But now I only think of all the good times we had, our trips together. Enjoying our grandchildren together. And just being together in our home we shared for 35 years, this site has helped me a lot to be able to express my feelings. I hope it helps you as well. Take care of yourself and may God bless you

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Hi Norma

I have good friends who are very supportive and I have just started counselling at my doctors surgery.

It’s so hard when you have been caring for someone for so long, it makes harder from my experience when I’m grieving.

When I cared for my husband I had depression and I had brain fog with taking sertraline tablets. Now I’m going through this again. As well as the hurt and pain I’m feeling and upset.

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Hi Tom

Where did you do your bereavement course?

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Hi Cassie, it is a course given by the church. I live in the North of Spain, in the Basque country which is where my wife was from.
One of the things that helped me was doing a lot of exercise as it reduces cortisol which is what causes anxiety when not being used.
Wishing you all the strength you need
Tom

:hugs::hugs: