New member

Hi everyone
This is my first post. I was widowed just over a year ago in October 2021 and I’m doing ok I guess. But I’m exhausted with everything and dreading Christmas.

Everyone says the first of everything is the worst but I don’t think that’s true.


Hello, I’m sorry that you are having a hard time after the loss of your husband. It’s good to share how you feel and this is a safe place.
I lost my husband almost 5 months ago and I have found that being open about how I feel is so much better than trying to put on a brave face. The loss leaves a huge range of emotions and Christmas is a particular time when we will feel it most. I like to think that Mike lives in every beat of my heart and that I live this life for both of us now. I cry when I need to and hug my memory bear tight when I feel scared or lonely.
Sending you some love as you face the journey ahead
Jen x


My husband died sept 21 so I’m about the same time on this horrible journey.
I can relate to what you say about it being exhausting. I feel the same, trying to keep busy, finding things to do etc is exhausting. As for Christmas well last year I couldn’t be bothered with it all and thought this year would be better but just feel the same. It all just makes you feel the loss even more.
Take care xx


Like you I lost my partner a year ago today by the day and tomorrow by the date. I keep busy and am slowly building a live for myself but the loss and anxiety isn"t too far away and Christmas only exasapates that sense of loss even more . You try so hard to make it ok.for your family and put that I’ m ok mask on when in reality you just want to cry amf be held by the one you loved and miss so much xxx


Agree with everything you have all said. I feel exhausted most of the time and have no compulsion to do anything. I think that is why we are tired as we are constantly battling to keep going even though we would rather just hide away under the duvet from everything/one… that would be my choice anyway.

Thinking of you @Shirleymc on your 12 months. It’s so hard. It will be 12 months for me (on Tues to the day, Weds the date) that I made the decision to turn off my husband’s life support, he was 56. It’s what he would have wanted, I know I made the right decision, but have been having flashbacks since last weekend leading up to how we got there. I miss him so much, still can’t believe it’s happened. Two day after he passed it’s our wedding anniversary…

I’m avoiding all things Christmas as best I can.

Sorry…finding it difficult to be positive this morning. Hugs to all xx


Don’t apologies for how you feel I too have been gping over those last few days too and the what iffs but I know that I couldn"t change or stop what was happeniing but I know that I did the best I could to care for him as you did on on that day 12 months ago
My thoughts will be with you too on Tuesday and again on Wednesday xxxx


Thank you @Shirleymc.

Love & strength to all going forward xxx


Absolutely right. How I long for a reassuring hug from mark.
Hope your day goes as well as it can.
Thinking of you xx


I just want that hug to and for him to say it will be ok . Yesterday passed bettee than I thought it would I spent the afternoon with my cousin but after a broken nights sleep I feel.anxious and weepy this morning and just need that hug. I’m not sure how I will the day goes on but have volunterred at a warm hub so hopefully that will fill some of the day. and a walk to the beach might help too. I hate this notion that the 1st’s are significant we miss them eveey day of the year and as each year passes we will miss them a little bit more x


im tony new to the site.lost my wife 3 years ago.this time of the year was our best time together.but now i have no time for Christmas…its not the same .dont mean to sound like a humbug…we were married for 56 years and i still fell lonley mostley at night…any one feal the same…thanks


Hello @Tony1,

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It sounds as though things are very difficult at the moment and you are feeling lonely and finding nights particularly hard.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,


hi tony thank you for that.means a lot to me it tells me im not alone .ihave 5 daughters .they can go home to there loved ones but i am stilll alone.i know its been 3 years since she passed but it does not get any ease…its hard to speak to my daughters about how i feel as they have there own life’s to get on with .i thank you so much for that

Hi Tony
My husband died sept last year and I also have no enthusiasm for Christmas. Feels like I’ll just be going through the motions and doing just what needs to be done. Christmas will never be the same but hopefully over time it just might get a little better. Who knows ? X

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Hey Fiona, I think Christmas is one of those times where you think more about family. While others are talking about their plans you may feel like time is standing are not alone, there will always be someone who will understand and who may be there to support you . The 1st of everything is painful, a reminder but with support you will find comfort it’s not easy but remember it is ok to miss those who are not here. Sending hugs during this difficult time


Hi Fiona23
What you say resonates with me, you build yourself up for the first of everything & I found the lead up worse than the actual days. You also have more support in that first year. I lost my husband 5 days before Christmas in 2019 and he loved Christmas so it’s hard to find the joy even though it will be my fourth without him. As the years go by the expectation of those around you is that it doesn’t hurt as much & for them it’s true even children as they have their own lives to live & future to build.
I’m finding it particularly difficult at the moment we love our football & the World Cup has started, the last World Cup he was still here. We’re also big cricket fans & we’ve just has the T20 World Cup. I’ve been feeling so alone, sat watching on my own trying to get the enthusiasm but it’s not there.
I’m sorry to those just starting their journey as I do try to be more positive as the years go by but at the moment as I sit and cry, I know I’ll have to dig deep to find it today.
Sending love & strength :heart:


Thank you so much. I’ve just not been able to reply to anyone until now. It seems that it’s the same for us all. Love and strength sums it up. One step at a time. But it’s hard. Very very hard and unless you’ve been in the same position it’s just impossible to understand.

Thank you so much.



Hi there. I feel the same as my husband died last Boxing day. My family have booked for us all to go abroad for Xmas. They are so excited and looking fwd but I just feel dread at having to get ready, travel etc. Don’t want to spoil it for them so will have to put on my “happy head”. Hope we all get through the Xmas break x

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I think my level of loss is so deep, i have very little left to take. And I question, what is the point of existence,