New mum whose partner died 5 months ago. I need advice.

I wrote a post on here a few days ago hoping people could give me advice, tips on how to cope with the loss of my partner in a road accident 5 months ago just 8 weeks after giving birth to our little girl. I only received 2 replies, I feel broken and I’m really struggling, grieving for my partner aswell as being a new mum , I’m only 33 years old and have been diagnosed with PTSD and this tragedy has tipped me over the edge. I see a counsellor/therapist weekly and I’m on 200mg of sertraline but nothing seems to be working. Please can someone help me. I’m lost and don’t know what to do. How can I learn to live with this? Will things ever feel normal(ish) again? I need to be strong for my baby but I don’t know how?? I can’t sleep, I can’t focus, I’ve gone from losing loads of weight to gaining ldz of weight. :cry::cry::broken_heart::broken_heart:


Hello @Gemma1989, I am truly sorry for your loss and suffering. I feel your mania which takes me back to the early days of my own raw grief. In fact when I think back now I still get panicky and realise I was actually manic. This is what I’m seeing in you through your post. It’s all normal. Anything and everything is ‘normal’ in grief. Slow down. Breathe. Grief can’t be rushed. We do learn to live with our loss because we have no other choice. You are a strong person. You won’t realise that yet but you will be strong for your beautiful baby. It’s sink or swim and you will swim. You may go under at times but you will emerge again gulping for air. You can do this.

Perhaps try writing down your feelings in a journal. I do this by writing to my husband. I tell him loads about what’s happening in day to day life. You could tell your man all about baby, keeping him updated about how he/she is growing, all the firsts. Share them with your man. Just because he isn’t here doesn’t mean he can’t be a part of them. Oh I know it isn’t the same but we do the best we can and I can honestly say it helps. Talk about daddy to baby, show photos. You’ve already made a great start with your feelings by posting on this forum. I’m sorry you maybe didn’t get the responses you wished for with your first post but please join in other threads/conversations.

You must make time for yourself also. While baby is sleeping, try soft meditation. Find some meditation music, there’s plenty on YouTube, lie back and relax. I also do this at night to help me fall asleep. Again, it works.

I’m not going to tell you it gets better because it doesn’t, but we do get better at it. We slowly learn to live again, laugh again, sing again. None of what I say will be of solace to you now but I promise you that one day you will look at a photo of your man and a smile will appear on your face before a tear to your eye.

Be kind to yourself Gemma. You’re doing better than you think you are. You are not alone; there are so many of us out here.

Sending love and hugs to you and baby. xx


This is Stuart Sandeman. I’m reading his book at the moment ‘Breathe In, Breathe Out’. It’s a book I can dip in and out of. He also does a radio 1 podcast. Might be worth a listen.


Hi Gemma, I am so sorry for your loss. I’m just over 3 months into this nightmare journey. Keep posting; everyone on this site who have lost their soul mate totally understands. I do post now and again but mainly I just read. It’s just the most devastating journey to be on. You are not alone… sending love xx​:heart::pensive:


Sending you much love Gemma, please stay connected to the group, it really can help you navigate the road ahead :blue_heart:


That’s just beautiful Sandra. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


I m so sorry to read about your situation . Just putting one foot in front of the other is probably all you can manage right now , but it won’t always be like this if you can hang in in there . Presuming you live in the UK you might find The WAY foundation helpful , the groups are for widowed and young (WAY) , I know someone who gained great support meeting others in the same situation . Sending love to you and your baby


So sorry for your sad loss
I think even getting up each morning and facing the day ahead is brave. Reach out for all help offered I have done this. My husband died June last year and I’m still in a terrible place today has been awful
Reach out to us all on here
Sending love :heart:

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Hi Gemma. So sorry for you loss my darling.
I lost my husband suddenly from a very bad bleed on the brain caused by a aneurism 6 weeks ago he was 45 I’m 39.
I have 5 children under the age of 12.
I’m so sorry your struggling having a tiny baby is hard work but with losing your partner on top is definitely difficult for you my poor love.
The shock is so hard for me my emotions are all over the place as it was so sudden with no warning.
My only advice is you baby needs you as much as you need them. At times it’s a lot for me but I will me honest my child keep me going.
It’s still so raw and don’t be hard on yourself , just take each day as it comes and put you focus on you baby.
Do you have friends or family that can help as a first baby can be overwhelming for you with out the loss of your partner on top.
Sending big hugs to you sweetheart just know your not alone xxx

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