Are there any new partners on here? My partner lost his wife 2 years ago and we have been together for 7 months. I want to be able to support him the best I can through the anniversaries etc. The best I feel I can do right now is give him the time alone when he needs it but would love to hear from anyone who has been through or is in the same situation as me. I have read lots of forums etc but haven’t been brave enough to post my question. Thank you for reading x
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Dear @Natcp
Welcome to the Community.
I apologise I cannot answer your question but below is a new Grief Coach Service for family and friends which may be of help to you.
Sue Ryder has recently launched a Grief Coach Text Service which is our free, expert grief support sent straight to your phone via text.
Sue Ryder Grief Coach subscription also includes gentle coaching for selected friends and family who want to help but may not know how. We’ll text them reminders and tips about how to support the person they care about.
I hope this will be of help to you. Take care.
Pepsi
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Hi
My advice is to listen to him very patiently when he talks about his loss. He is likely to repeat himself a lot. It takes a lot of strength to be able to be with and love a bereaved person.
Remember that he loves you but he needs to talk about the past. I hope that helps.
I know this because I am on the other side of the fence. My partner has to be patient with me.
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Hi Rachel, thank you for getting in touch I really appreciate it and sorry to hear about your loss. Your words confirm what I’ve been thinking. Although my partner isn’t great talking about how he’s feeling but hopefully that will come with time. He does feel guilty about being happy and enjoying life with me but he says that’s something he just has to learn to live with.
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Thank you 
I will definitely have a look at this 
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Hi
First I just want to say that your partner is extremely lucky to have someone as thoughtful and understanding as yourself
I was widowed and met someone else and to a degree he actually became part of my first Husband’s family
When I met him we discussed my past and the circumstances of my first Husband passing away and I told him that if there was ever anything he wanted to ask me about then to do so. However I felt very strongly that if I was ready to meet and commit myself to someone new then the past was the past and I did not want to insult him by talking about that part of the past
That doesn’t mean to say that I ever forgot about anniversaries, birthdays etc - I thought about them quietly to myself
I am sure not everyone on here will agree with me but I hope that it helps you abit
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Hi, thanks for getting in touch. Your thinking sounds like my partners. We spoke a lot about his wife at the beginning of our relationship but she doesn’t appear in our conversations very often these days. He can’t talk about the period of time when she was ill and passed away, it all happened too fast and it’s just too much still. It’s the 2nd anniversary of her passing very soon and he’s asked to spend the time on his own which isn’t a problem. We’re still communicating but I know he is at home sad in the evenings and that makes me so sad. x
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What u hav said, says it all, just listen because he will want 2 talk about his lose, & it’s nice if he can do that.
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You both sound lovely and sensitive to each others feelings. Slowly the sadness diminishes but I think people are scared that they will forget the person who had passed away but they won’t and also there is the guilt of finding happiness again but would any of us want the person we have left behind to be sad and miserable - I wouldn’t
I once again find myself alone and I hate it. If I was lucky enough to find someone special again I would treat the situation in exactly the same way
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He knows I’m ready to listen and it does feel like he trusts me a bit more as time goes by. He doesn’t know I am on this forum, one day I might be brave enough to show him what you are all saying. 
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He definitely feels like he will forget his wife and feels guilty for enjoying himself again. He feels like he should be miserable as a punishment for him living and not her. I do ask him what his wife would want for him and he says she would tell him “To get a grip and enjoy life” lol.
I hope you find someone to be happy with again, I think it’s great that you want to be with someone again. You deserve to be happy and to be loved. x
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No bereaved person should ever feel guilty about being happy again. Lord knows we have been on the floor with grief. If and when we might be lucky to find friendship or love again, let’s enjoy it. To have a hand to hold, to eat with someone, sleep next to them. It beats that crushing loneliness of a solitary existence. Best just value it and enjoy it. Nothing in life is for all that long.
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Very true Yr loved 1, wouldn’t want u 2 be sad. They would want u 2 live again & be happy.
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& loniness is a killer, so surround Yr self with happiness again, if u r lucky enough 2 find it.
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Hi, it was 1 year ago that I posted this message and I wanted to come on and give you all an update! We are still together! (Yay), Christmas was tough and his birthday in January, but we got through them together and we have had the best year. We’ve been on holiday together and have done some amazing and fun things making our new memories. My partner is happier, less anxious and finds it easier to relax and enjoy himself. It’s amazing to see him change but always we are three and not two and that gets easier for me as the time goes on. This time last year leading up to the anniversary of his wife passing was a tough time, this year he is finding it easier, that is not to say that all the feelings and memories are not forgotten but I think he knows he has support and he is in a better place. Thank you for all your comments last year, they really helped and I hope that this message (if you see it) might help you to see that things do change, you can move on but not forget. xx
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