Hi I moved forward pretty quickly after my husband of 32 years passed away . Looking back I think I was so scared of being alone I clung to any attention given to me. I am still with the man I got with soon after a year later but find myself comparing massively and all I want is my husband back. Has anyone else made crazy decision at the beginning of grieving. Thankyou for taking time to read xx
It’s understandable to hear how you’re feeling about comparing your new relationship to the one you had with your husband. It sounds like you were together for a long time and it makes sense to have comparisons and hold that wish to have your husband back, you’re not alone.
I wanted to share a thread here from another member about having a new partner after bereavement. There’s a few comments in there which you might find helpful to read through - A new partner after bereavement.
Do you want to share a bit more with us about how you’re feeling in your new relationship?
We’re here for you
Thankyou for taking the time to respond to me. Xxits hard isn’t being in another relationship while still d grieving for a love one. I don’t think people really understand unless they’ve been through it themselves. They automatically think you are over it which is totally not the case xx
My wife had slowly succumbed to a degenerative illness over several years. My wife passed away in June, we had been together 36 years, 34 married, with her 2 children from her previous marriage, my son from mine, and then 2 girls together.
I will not elaborate but the reality of our “marriage”, of what I believe was, to what became apparent and reality, was well unbelievable and at the same a release, on being informed by my adult children of the hidden truth.
In July I met a fabulous woman, we have built up a very intimate and good relationship together, so I believe that I can at least comprehend your predicament and situation.
I can’t begin to give you opinions or advice, I can only from this prospective and understanding, offer you my thoughts and a virtual hug. I hope that you find yourself and your path,
So far our partnership is a go. Xxx all the best
Thankyou so much xx
I found that by sharing the feelings or challenging my thoughts feelings and emotions, putting the same on this forum, it has been therapeutic and given a release.
Sometimes my confusion dissipates through re reading the words put on here, and I believe that we (you and I), have chatted on here before. I or We K and I, have (both) lost our partnership with a spouse, we K and I have had days where we are dealing with encroaching confusion, conflicting thoughts emotions, SO, we learned to talk openly, share our thoughts feelings etc. Most of the time, the easiest solution was that venting, plus the hug, cuddle, kiss.
I do hope that you find yourself, your solution and answer
It’s hard to deny what the author Nicci French wrote in Day of the Dead: “No one is ever like anyone else. No one can be replaced. Every death is the end of a world.”
I think it’s natural to make comparisons because we want our lost part to be replaced, but down the road the best we can do is to appreciate everyone is different and accept the person as he/she is, it’s a lesson my partner taught me.
I agree Colin talking and sharing your emotion is a must and helps so much. Sometimes I think I’m looking for approvement as I think the guilt comes in. I feel like people think I should still be on my own. Glad you have found happiness. Xx
Hear hear… I was desperate for company but had to call it a day after about six weeks of fairly regular contact. I’ve come to realise that noone will replace the person I’ve lost. I miss adult company terribly - my children are 6 and 9 - but I now I also feel that until I’m at least half way out of the darkness there’s no point in embarking on the new relationship journey. It’s just all a rotten, rotten luck x
Aww bless you I agree with my daughters think this man has come into me life to help me get through it all whether it’s long term or just me needing someone whether it be the wrong or right relationship. I really hope you meet someone one day lots of love to you xx
Thankyou for replying I have had a look and yes it does help xx
Hi Crystalou, and others
I just dropped back in to touch base,
I have learned to Not compare, make comparisons as you are bound to find a difference that may not be what you want. I accept each day for what it delivers, as much as I accept whatever K and I gain from each day together. As well as from the family acceptance of our happiness.
I do hope and truly wish that you find yourself the happiness that you seek. Best wishes
Thankyou Colin ani also wish you all the happiness in the world xx