Hi,
I’m 36, and lost my partner suddenly 6 weeks ago.
We’d been together for 2.5 years meeting just before lockdown and embarking on a whirlwind relationship of getting to know each other and survive the pandemic.
I spoke to him, before he passed away he called me to let me know he was going to play football and I encouraged him to do his stretches, which he did then he said “call you after football” I never got that call. 45 minutes later I was on my way to the football ground chasing an ambulance to the hospital.
We had plans for the future, now that life was getting back to “normal” we were excited for what the future would hold for rhr two of us, building, exploring, creating a future for us.
Now that he is gone, I feel so lost. I hear him telling me to “keep going, get up and get on with it” I feel his presence when I can’t get out of bed, giving me that reassuring nudge to get out of bed. When I doubt myself I hear him telling me “you’ve got this” None of this stops the tears, stops me questioning why our journey was cut short, why I only got a dash of his time, love and support.
I really do want to keep moving, I’ve realised that it’s not forward but it’s just a new direction. The life we had planned will never happen, what I realise is there has to be a new path created, I have to create that path alone and set new goals, targets, honestly I don’t want to I want what we had planned but I know how disappointed he would be if I just gave up.
How do you change/create a new path or start to think about a different journey without the person you’ve lost?
Hi Tasha
I’m so sorry for your loss.
My husband died in sept after a long battle with cancer. He left me a letter saying he wanted me to get on with my life. I’m trying my best but it’s really hard sometimes. On the bad days I remind myself of his wishes and try my best to fulfil them.
It’s early days and it is hard to create a new path but we will do it for them.
Good luck and look after yourself xx
Hi Barbara,
Thank you for your encouraging words. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. How beautiful that he sent you a letter, I can only imagine what reading that and seeing his encouraging words must have been.
Getting out of bed and commiting to complete the day is where I started but I had to listen to myself too. So I guess it’s all about balance.
I agree with you, still early days to create a new path but like you’ve said doing it for them is the motivation I need right now!
We’ve got this!
People keep telling me to be kind to myself so I am passing that message onto you too! X
I feel the same .I always thought I was going to grow old with stephen…but sadly that was taken away when he got covid and passed away 22ndJanuary 2021…its so hard trying to make a new life with out them .I have 2 beautiful daughters…our lifes changed for ever that day …this years seems to be worse, how do you go on with out them …its so hard xx
Firstly sorry for all your losses, it’s hard I know I lost my wife in December 21. Like Barbara said we carry on for them because that’s what they would have wanted. We’ll all have good days and bad days, but we’ll survive. We take one day at a time and we must be honest with ourselves and the people around us. They need to know if your hurting, if today is a bad day. You know I don’t feel I should be giving advice because to tell you truth I have no idea how I’m coping I just know I am. There are days I don’t cope but being on here helps, knowing your not alone and others know what you’re going thru. Keep going and never give up.
Hi, it is so very heartbreaking. I lost my husband to be nearly three months ago after 33yrs together. Changed my name to his by Deed Poll. You will find the strength in small steps on that path, not alone, not a new path, just a different starting point on your journey. I’m a lady approaching 68yrs but it doesn’t matter how old/young we are because losing our other half is coping with the emptiness, inside your heart, in your home, in the outside world. We on here, can give each other support. Take care xx
I lost the love of my life on December 3rd SAD 2021 which I witnessed and performed CPR for 15 minutes. I admire your strength. Your doing really well. I’m nowhere near where you are. I’m struggling to have any positive thoughts. So whatever your doing keep doing it.
I lost my husband on 22nd July last year to genetic Liver Cancer. We had been together for 37 years. I read your posts and totally understand where you are coming from. I thought I was doing well, and people tell me that I am, but every day I fight an inner battle. Sometimes, just to get up and function is a struggle; but I just get through each day as best I can. I don’t know what my new path is or will be; my future was with my husband, now I just feel lost and I’m just about coping. It is reassuring to know that I’m not alone - it’s so hard to explain to anyone how I’m feeling. We all just need to stay strong. Take care everyone.
Hiya I just read what you have put an 4 weeks ago I also lost my partner so suddenly we was together 2 n half years did everything together planned a future had plans he was at home when he suddenly died for no reason was only spking to him half hour before an never heard from him again I went to his to see if he’s ok I rang an ambulance an police knocked down the door I didn’t think for a minute they was gunna come out an tell me he died my heart shattered in to a million pieces we had plans a future a daughter together whos only 1 he also took on 5 step kids an I don’t know how to go on im trying for the kids sake but its so hard I just hope he new how much I loved him an how much we are all going miss him I never imagined I was gunna go threw this im so sorry for your lost its horrible wat we all going threw
Oh love, how terrible for you and your daughter and the other children. Someone so young to go just isn’t fair, my Stuart was 70 but still whatever age we lose our man is beyond grief and words. I hope you have family to help and talk with, I share the overwhelming nightmare that it is, my heart goes out to you as you had a lifetime to share with your beloved one. We had our plans in our old age, going to marry after 33yrs together, changed my name by Deed Poll to his, perhaps you would want to change your name it helped me a bit knowing I now am sharing his name. Do let me know how you are coping, we’re, and others on here are all going through the same feelings. Take care, my thoughts are with you, love, Jocelyn xx
Thank you for msging me back I know we all going threw the same hurt its just so hard when your family trying to be there for you but they don’t really understand unless they have bin threw it
I know, but glad you have your family. It’s every minute, hour,day we have to get through. I’m with you feeling exactly the same. Message me whenever you want to, this site is fantastic for people like us going through our private hell, at least we can gather strength from each other. xx
So sorry for the loss of your husband.
That “you’re doing well comment,” I don’t know how to receive that when I hear it. There is part of me that thinks great “I am doing grief well” the other part of me is pissed that I even have to go through with the while process, then there is a tiny bit of price where I think my partner would be proud of me for “dealing”.
I am sorry you’re feeling lost and encourage you to be kind to yourself, this forum really does creat a safe space to talk with like-minded people who can specifically hear and feel the nuance of our pain.
We do need to stay strong, and listen to our bodies when they say take a break. I am only trying to be brave for myself and my partner who passed.
I am really sorry you had to go through that.
For me it’s the memories that keep me going/motivated and tjr kind of person he was. Positive thoughts I really think will come, it was almost a separation of what had happened and who they were. Who they were can never be changed in your heart and mind and that is what makes me smile.
I hope your positive thoughts come and you are able to find comfort in them too.
I am sorry for your loss.
I love that you said it’s a different starting point, I think this is originally where I started, saying it’s my “new normal” but I hated having to create a new one, I didn’t ask for a new one. But realise now that’s exactly what will help me to keep moving. I appreciate the support on here I thinks it’s really amazing.
T
Reading your message felt so similar to mine, it took me a second. I am really sorry about your loss and can remember how I felt 4weeks after.
The strength you have to come on here and share your story and talk about him is amazing, talking really helped me. I don’t have any children so can only imagine what that alongside your pain must be like, it is difficult in the beginning but each day does get a little easier. I now cry when I want to, be happy when I can and everything in-between. Just be kind to yourself as much as you can.
T
Thank you all so much for listening an I was abit emotional last night crying most off the night when kids were asleep shouting why did you have to go if only I can turn back time an tell him how much he means to me it does help talking on here because all off you under wat I am going threw my kids give me the strength to get up everyday xx
Sleeping is an issue, I just take Nytol but still the nights can be broken. Everyone on here are there for you and each other, we can cry, shout, be emotional, we’re all going through this journey. Take care xx
when your family trying to be there for you but they don’t really understand unless they have bin threw it
