New relationship after loss


My partner and i had been neighbours for over a year and i knew his wife and family well but we were not involved in any way aside from neighbours. His wife was diagnosed with cancer and sadly died last year. During the last few months i had started helping out as i saw the strain it was taking on them and the children. I have children of a similar age so i would often take the kids to play so the parents could relax. After the death of his wife he was completely broken drinking excessively and having a terrible time with the children. They were not attending school and i would hear them from next door and had to frequently break up fights.

After losing my sister a few years back i know how hard grief can be. I asked his family (in laws) to keep looking in on him but they did not. They left him in his grief alone. Feeling compelled to help, i started with shared meals and encouraging councelling for him and the children. We quickly developed feelings for each other and now are a couple. He is doing much better, not drinking, councelling and the child that lives with him is attending school everyday (she used to go only twice a week). His in laws now hate the fact that we are together so they are contiuously hurling abuse at us and have turned the eldest against him and made threats to hurt me.

Were we wrong? Are they right?

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People really can be cruel and nasty the way they are acting of course isn’t right, but we sadly live amongst scummy humans who seem to enjoy inflicting misey upon others…
In my opinion and of course it’s just my opinion but you guys got together way too soon and really shouldn’t have… Obviously you get losing a sister is nowhere close to the loss of a partner… Losing a partner turns your whole life upside down and I believe there is nothing worse in life then losing a partner… Like most of us that lose one we go off the rails life isn’t worth living and it’s hard to see a way forward, your emotions and mindset is a complete train wreck… You definitely need a good year of grieving before making any life changing decisions, getting together was way to rushed and he really can’t be thinking clearly, more then likely his loss has just made him lonely, scared, and without really thinking drove him into your arms a kind woman that is helping him.
Like I say it’s my opinion others that may post may say differently.
I wish you all the best whatever happens in the future x

You are not wrong, and your intentions are good, you started by helping out in a big way, sometimes feelings develop naturally. From the in laws perspective it may seem completely different, it as if their daughter has been quickly replaced. Also your neighbour could be escaping from his grief which could backfire down the line, lots of open communication needed wishing you all the best :hibiscus:


Hello Nita_If,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for joining our group and starting this thread. I’m so sorry to hear about your sister, and your partner’s wife. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what the two of you are going through.

How people deal with grief, and the decisions they make about new relationships are personal. What may be right for one person won’t be for another. It sounds like you have been a wonderful support to your partner, and to his child.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing.

Take care,


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My brother in law was on a dating site less than 4 months, after my sister died. He then proceeded to galavant round with his new woman even sleeping with them in the bed his wife my sister had died in. Yes technically he’s done nothing wrong but the reality is it stinks. I feel he’s replaced someone he claimed to love and was the love of his life like he was just getting a new pair of shoes. We no longer speak.

Paula everybody different I couldn’t and wouldn’t replace my john nobody could walk in his footsteps loved him so much and always will you take care annie x x

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Hi Nita , for what it’s worth I have a friend who was in the same situation , a friend of hers died and the husband was not coping so she helped with the children. Eventually they became a couple and got married and had a child of their own together and are very happy. They had a lot of abuse in the beginning which was unpleasant and unfair but people seem to have come round now they see everything has turned out for the best. It seems to me you are not trying to take advantage in any way you just have a kind heart.