Hi all, so I’ve been lucky enough to find a new relationship after my husband died in Jan 2024, we are now living together, I am 66 he is 70, my problem is I’ve developed a huge problem with jealousy, which I’ve never experienced before, I’ve been married 3 times in the past and experienced it used against me in my first 2 marriages and I feel like I’m turning into them with the stupid things going on in my head!, I don’t know where this is coming from and I hate it and it’s ruining what we have, I feel like walking away from it, just to stop this feeling, anyone else have any ideas or can help me sort this out please?
I’m not sure I can help sort it out but just want you to know you’re not alone.
We’re in the process of me moving in and I sometimes find myself being jealous of the relationship he had with his wife…which is a bit silly, she passed away 5 years ago, and my partner 2 1/2 years ago. I don’t know where the jealousy comes from, or why I feel like this.
I think the fact that you and I both recognise this will help us process what’s going on…
Thank you for your response it is difficult and we both have similar time frames with losses on both ours and partners losses, sometimes I feel a little bit like that, but only a little, Google says this;
1 Like
Shop this does give me some answers as to the reasons.
Woahh, thanks for posting the Google part!
It took me back to the past when I lost the first partner who passed away suddenly. The new relationship I had after, I was crazy jealous for the first 2 years, to the point I can shamefully admit to veering towards bunny boiler territory 
I put it down to the immaturity of youth, I was 23 at the time when we started dating. But now I know, it was the aftermath of grieving.
Fortunately he was the patient, steady, and easy going type, I realised I could trust him (he was loyal) and I calmed right down, and it did last for over a decade. We’re still friends now and actually spoke the other day, he offered his condolences as I had recently lost a second partner.
Something to watch out for should a new relationship arrive in the distant future. Thanks for posting 
On reflection, again I must have repressed this. During my relationship with my partner who passed away recently, half of that relationship was during the time both my parents ended up terminally ill and passing away. We NEVER had any issues with jealousy/possessiveness but …
After my Mum passed, my partner was the one that was supportive, but I found the loss of my Mum/impending loss of my Dad had obviously triggered off a feeling of abandonment and I started feeling jealousy! Any time a platonic female friend would text him, I just wanted to rip their heads off, even though I was nonchalant previously. I didn’t show that though, it was more an internal seething.
I even accused him of ghosting me!! (he was at work and didn’t text me that day lol)
Obviously the jealousy came to an abrupt halt when he himself got diagnosed with cancer, only 2 weeks after my Dad passed.
It all adds up now though
I have had jealous feelings in the past and know it’s my insecurities, my feelings of not being good enough, but mostly like you, I keep it inside, because when I think about it afterwards it’s just bloody ridiculous, but when it hits you, you feel so justified, that it’s real, but when you take it apart late, OMG ! I just hate and despise these feelings, I don’t want them to ruin our relationship, my partner is very laid back, btw I’m 66 he’s 71 this year, I mean how ridiculous is that!! But that said we frequent lots of places with people the same age as us, single older women, some men, but mostly single women, we go to Soul afternoons which are full of dressed up women done up to their 9’s, as of course am I, but….