Hi, I recently lost my dad 10 weeks ago, he wasn’t poorly in fact he was absolutely fine which makes his death even more shocking. I am on a Total rollercoaster of Emotion, I have an amazing support network but I feel like a totally different person from who I was 10 weeks ago
I feel your pain. My healthy vibrant mum died totally unexpectedly just under six weeks ago. I don’t know how I make it through each day. Well done for getting this far. I have no wisdom to share but I send solidarity and support. We must live well for their sakes.
Hi. So sorry to hear about your dad and that it was such a shock. I’m 2 months into life without my mum who died from pancreatic cancer and I can understand the feeling like a different person thing. It’s like everything is in slow motion and I feel a bit lost. It seems to be quite normal to feel lonely despite a good support network- people have said that only you alone can go through your own grief journey because it’s so personal xx
I am so deeply sorry for your mums loss, I think when it happens so unexpectedly it’s like you go into shock . How can they be there one minute laughing on face time then gone ?
I felt so lost after the funeral, like that it all done , I threw myself into organising it all then nothing. People say to me you won’t ever get over it, but Keene to live with it
Yes I think that’s one of the hardest things. The shock factor. People say ‘at least she didn’t have to suffer’ and it’s true and I’m grateful but it’s not enough to save me from feeling desperately sad and hopeless.
Agree with all of this! I think I felt worse last week after the funeral was over, as that had been a focus.
It does get better but it gets worse too. I am 3 years on from mum and in May will be 2 of my dad.
What i mean by better is that you learn to just cry when you need to, you learn to bring them up in conversations as if they are still living, you begin to settle into the reality that they are not on holiday - they wont come home. Grief is singularly the most selfish experience you will ever have. Only you know your grief because it was your relationship with that person.
What i mean gets worse is the highs (and you can laugh and smile again… i promise) are so high but overcoming with low and sadness as you cannot share this with your loved one. The crashing of waves …hurt like nothing else. When home never feels like home again. Safety has a new meaning.
As time passes… its more time gone that you havent seen them, hugged them, felt their beating heart, said their name, kissed them, heard their voice… laughed with them and that… can smack you in the face hard.
However both of these ups and downs… gets us through because it lets us know we are alive!! . Out of 1billion eggs we are alive because of our parents - which is a blessing in itself. We need to do them the upmost courtesy of carrying on living for their legacy … keeping them with us in everything we do in/with our own lives.
After the funeral and the first anniversaries it does become very silent. Friends can distance themselves / not know what to say. Please know this is only because they themselves have no idea what this deep pain and darkness is like… and will never…even if they tried could feel it. Until it happens to them unfortunately.
And sometimes people who may have had this pain can forget just how raw it can feel at the time - and im 3 years in… and its still extremely raw. Time with grief has no bounds, please dont allow anyone to make you feel you need to ‘get over it’ you will never get over this. They are small minded kind of people who live in a bubble that hasnt been burst like ours has.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE -
Also…I will never be the same person i was before my mum died in 2020- but we alll arent the same person as who we were even at 10 -16 - 18 - 21 - we change we grow we learn and we adjust/adapt.
I have moments i feel like i am a child -18 again because i am parentless & have not got that guidance or reassurance anymore.
The last 3 years have blurred and my recollections of things/conversations etc have dissappeared. You will not be the same person… that is because you are not. But that is OKAY!!
Work hard on finding yourself and who you are now without this person. Your eyes have been opened wider now. Hindsight has been a very large part of my grief and my journey so far, aswell as self awareness and no longer being so naive in this world so reluctant to talk about grief!!
I hear they all the time! I won’t go into details on here but what happened to my dad was awful so he did suffer in a sense . I find some people so caring yet others so insensitive!
I suppose it’s still so raw still , it’s only been 2 months , then sense of loss some days is overwhelming then others days I am totally fine, I guess that’s what you call grief. I personally feel something switched in me the day he passed.
Hi kj74,i can relate to how you’re feeling,i lost my dad 12 days ago,very suddenly and unexpectantly,we were very close and i was his full time carer as my mom passed away 6 years previously. I am still in shock,it still doesnt feel real.
I have been through loosing a parent previously,and the feelings and emotions i have through loosing my dad are somewhat different,its leaving a huge hole in my life,he was a macive part of it,i certainly feel lonely and isolated and as if i dont want to face anyone or anything.
I am so sorry for your loss, I’ve lost my grandparents but this feeling is nothing like that, my dad and I were so close , and the fact it was totally out of the blue makes it worse, everyone is still in shock and devastated.
I totally understand what you mean about becoming a different person, I have lost both my parents and I am not the same person I was when they were still alive.
I don’t think there is a timeline to grieve and every single person experiences it differently. But well done for getting this far and continuing to push through each day.
I am so sorry for you loss, I know it doesn’t take the pain away but I hope it brings you some comfort.