New to bereavement

Coping with bereavement
1

Hi,

I’m new to all of this but here’s my story so far..

I lost my eldest sister to Ovarian cancer on Feb 18th suddenly, she was in and out of hospital and we all were hopeful for her recovery so were taking it day by, this had been the case for the past 7 months.

It was her funeral last Wednesday and all of a sudden I am finding myself crying on and off with a hollow deep sore feeling in my chest. Maybe shock? I did not expect this to happen to our family in a million years. I am the youngest sibling and read her eulogy at the funeral saying a big sister is like a second mum..

I feel like I need answers so I complained to the NHS about my sisters care and will be having a review face to face in 2 months time. After the funeral it is slowly hitting me in waves I think. I was maintaining composure at the funeral and was shaking when I read her eulogy but when I pressed the button and the curtain drew, that’s when I broke down a bit and now I’m breaking down 4 days later..

Does this get easier? It’s a numbing feeling to lose a sibling that’s what I’m struggling with. Straight after she passed I found myself doing practical things like I was on autopilot until I broke down in Barclays Bank when trying to cancel my sisters direct debits, hell I just saw her cold in the hospital morgue so understandable I guess. Since the funeral 5 days ago I am feeling broken on and off. I find myself thinking of small things and especially the past as she was estranged from me for 5 years until she called me in the summer last year to tell me she thinks she has cancer.

Funny thing is I kept making an effort by messaging or calling her asking if she is ok. Nothing. Now looking at her old phone she was messaging her friends and neighbours all fine, she was fine in lockdown, I can’t help but feel totally cheated and broken at the same time. I felt like I lost her back then.

As I dealt with this grief in practical ways, I found myself contacting charities and local government to see if we could screen more women after the age of 50 and generally create more awareness out there. My sister was 53 and her diagnosis and treatment was delayed with the NHS. I feel angry that this has happened I wished she had private healthcare in place maybe she could have been saved. But then this afternoon one of the charities emailed me back. When I read it, that’s when I broke down in tears, face wet sat on the bedroom floor…being practical has tested me to the ultimate, I wondered am I even ready to do that? Sure I can try, but this overwhelming feeling isn’t leaving anytime soon I think…

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Hello @111177,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your eldest sister. Thank you for sharing this with us. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,

Naoise

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Thank you I appreciate that :yellow_heart:

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I’m so sorry for your loss. If you would like a proper chat I am here, feel free to private message.

I lost my amazing fiancé 11 weeks ago to cancer, he was also let down by the NHS. Symptoms misdiagnosed and tumours missed on scans.

I’m struggling with my grief also, I am keeping myself busy but as soon as I stop I cry. Or a wave will hit me, regardless of what I’m doing and I’ll just sob. I have a constant ache in my chest and feel like I’ve been punched in my stomach.

Please reach out you if you need too.

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Hey Kelmarie,

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through.

Thanks you for your kind words.

I know what you mean about the wave of emotions. Only after the funeral which was a week ago am I crying at times. I was being strong for everyone else and trying to keep it together but now it hurts even more.

I have unanswered questions which when I get some answers from the NHS might help me but it won’t change anything I know my sister was let down by them. But then on the flip side I think would she have even survived surgery as she was weak before her initial diagnosis? I guess it’s normal to ruminate for now, I pray things get easier and for you.

Same, I am here for you should you need to talk or just let it out. Don’t despair in private, let it out and if you need to complain about the NHS, do so in your own time.

Sending love & light to you :sparkles::sparkles::yellow_heart::sparkles::sparkles: