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Hi everyone
I lost my lovely hubby of 32 years four weeks ago today and I have no idea how I shall cope on my own. My heart is broken, he died after a long cancer battle aged 63. I have a constant ache over my heart area (which I didn’t believe was possible) and a constant sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My daughteres have been great but bothare now grown up and I cannot get used to the silence in the house. I know it is very early days but any advice to get through this darkness would be greatly appreciated.

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Hi Marydoll,
So sorry you find yourself on here with us all but we know exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through. Its 14 weeks since I lost my husband, he took a heart attack suddenly and totally unexpected at 67 so I can empathize with you and what is going on in your head at the moment. I just wanted to be with Colin again and was in shock that all the plans we had for the future had been so cruelly snatched away leaving me on my own. I know you will be feeling the same, it’s good you have daughter’s to support you but I know what you are saying about the silence in the house. It’s the empty bed I struggle with and putting my hand out every morning wishing he was still there. I have amazing family and friends who have been brilliant but at the end of the day you are on your own. I have a wee dog and it is her who gets me out of bed in the morning or I wouldn’t bother. I only advice I can give you is take it each day at a time, some days you will cry non stop and won’t be able to leave the house other days you will cope better. It is such early days for you I remember when it was four weeks for me I didn’t think I would survive but here I am still getting on with it. You will chat to others on here who will support you and recognise what you are going through. This forum has helped me such a lot and being able to discuss my feelings with others in the same position has shown me the way I feel is normal. I lost my Mum three weeks before Colin and today would have been her Birthday :disappointed_relieved: so been a hard one but I have survived it and you will too even if at the moment you don’t think you will. Just keep posting on here especially if you are struggling there is always someone who will help you.
Sending you positive thoughts
V xx

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Thank you so much for your kind words and really sorry to hear of the sudden loss of your husband and for the way you have been feeling on your mums birthday today. I am hoping that this forum shall help and looking through the posts has reasssured me that this pain is something that we all have to go through faced in the same situation x

Hi Marydoll,
So sorry for your loss of your husband.
The pain and loss is devastating and you feel like you’re the only one in the world.
Keep posting your thoughts and feelings on here, it will help you a bit knowing that there’s others feeling exactly the same.
I lost my husband suddenly 3 months ago, he was only 56, it’s still very hard and I still can’t believe it, but having family around you and talking on here will keep you strong.
My thoughts are with you.
Steph x

Hi Steph
Thank you for your lovely message, I am so sorry that you lost your husband at 56 and like you I still cannot beleive that he is not coming back.Each day is a constant struggle but I am trying to take small steps every day to learn to live alone.
Hope you are doing ok today
Mary x

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Hi Mary,
Today’s not been a bad day spent time with my three grandchildren, they keep me busy, it’s upsetting that my husband Tim won’t get to see them growing up.
Yesterday I was struggling couldn’t stop crying , life is so unfair.
It’s horrible as you say we’ve got to get used to living on our own, something we just don’t want to do .
Hope you ok.
Sending a hug
Steph x

Hi Steph
My day has been ok too because of my 2 grandsons being here but I am still struggling to be happy around them which is not fair for them, I am trying but now that they have gone it is getting used to the silence again. My hubby was 63 but still way too young to be taken away from us all.
Take care
Mary x

I know what you mean about struggling to be happy around your grandchildren, it’s so hard to try and be normal when you’re in so much pain inside, also you feel sad that your husband can’t spend time with them anymore.
It’s still very early days for you and I struggled around the grandchildren but 3months on I can enjoy the time with them more, it takes my mind slightly off the awful reality, until I get home then it hits me again.
My youngest daughter still lives at home with me , she’s 21, so I don’t feel completely on my own, she’s struggling as she was very close to her dad.
I miss him so much.
Stay strong.
Steph x

Hi. My husband died after an 8 month battle with cancer on the 8th Feb this yeat. He was 62. I am 53. I’m finding it very difficult more so as time is passing being locked up.
I have horses so have to get up.
I have kids and grandkids but even though virtually surrounded. So lonely. Just going through the motions.
I know I need to meet others in my situation. X
Lots of love to you all. So difficult

Hi Helen,
So sorry for your loss of your lovely husband.
You’ve come to the right place, we all share the same heartbreaking loss and know exactly how you feel. Posting on here will help you so much as it has me and so many others on here .
Sending a hug
Steph x

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:cry: I am sorry :cry:

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Thank you. I hope so. I’m sooo up and down and normally such an in control person… I’m finding it hard xx

Hi Helen,
Hope you ok, silly question I know, but hope you’ve had the chance to read other posts, so you don’t feel so alone in all of this.
Stay strong x

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Hi everone

I am new to the site. I lost my beloved husband and soulmate 7 weeks ago after a short illness to pancreatic cancer and am devastated at his passing and how quickly the illness developed. We had so many plans for the future and he wasn’t ready to go but did not have a choice. I just feel so upset and keep crying even though my two daughters 20 & 24 live at home. They seem to be coping ok, probably grieving on their own while I am a blubbering wreck. I still cannot believe he is not with us. I just don’t know who I am anymore or what will make me happy if ever without him. We knew each other inside out and he was my everything. Thanks for listening

Hi San, So sorry you lost your lovely Husband. You will still be in a state of disbelief and shock. Everyone of us on here know exactly how you are feeling as we have all been there. Seven weeks is not a long time It has been 6 months for me and it still feels like yesterday. All I can say to you is don’t be a people pleaser do what you need to do to get through the day.
Sending you a hug :revolving_hearts:

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Hi. So sorry for your loss too. I’m into week 15 and still very very up and down. You do need to just do what’s right for you in your own time. Much love. I’m new to this site too. Xx

Thank you Mrs Colt. I know 7 weeks is nothing. Lost my parents 29 years ago both to cancer and that was bad enough but this grief is a million times worse. I thought he would be like his dad and live in his 80s not go at 69. He was so healthy until he started with this short illness. Life just seems so unfair atm and I know we are all going through the same process and missing our loved ones for everx

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I know San I was the same I thought Colin would be like his Dad who was 87 when he passed. Colin was 67 only retired 2 years, like your husband he was fit and healthy then one day he said he wasn’t feeling that well and went rapidly downhill, was admitted to hospital where he was to get an MRI to see what was wrong and he took a massive heart attack the morning the scan was due. I had only lost my Mum three weeks earlier. I keep questioning what have I done to be punished in such a terrible way because having the two most important people in your life taken away from you in a matter of weeks certainly feels like punishment. This forum has been my saviour, I have made good friends on here who have got me through the bad days so stick with us there is always someone to chat to who understands what you are going through. Family and friends are great but they don’t know how we feel unless they have been through this hell themselves. You will get through it in time it is still very early days for you xx

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Hi. This is my first post. I came across you all almost by accident and I just could’nt belive there were so many people out there that sadly know the sort of things i too am feeling. My lovely partner John died in January this year after a short illness of only a few days, totally unexpected. He was 69 & was just about to retire. Although I am trying to keep going, telling family and friends that yes I’m fine I just want to curl up and die too. It’s not the big things so much like all the plans we had made that make me so sad, it’s going out with the dog (dont know how I would have coped at all without darling Lou- dog) or pre lockdown visiting the family or going to the shop and everytime I come home John’s still not here. It’s like being hit with his death again and again. How do you all cope with this ? It takes my breath away when I think about not seeing him again. When I had managed to do something on the computer or a job I thought was beyond me he would say ‘your a clever old stick !’ who’s going to tell me that now, who’s going to give me a hug in the way he did ? I hold on to the hope we will be together again one day when my time comes but at the moment the future looks so bleak, I seem to have gone from someone who just got on with things to a soggy mess who gets anxious over the smallest decision.
Thank you for reading my post and thank you all for sharing your feelings and kind advice. For the first time since John went I have been able to say what I really feel like and not just put on a smile and pretend everythings ok for friends and family who kind as they are just dont really understand. gay X

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Hi Gay, welcome to the club none of us ever wanted to join. We have all been where you are at the moment and it is the worst thing you will ever experience. I second every word you have written I am glad you shared your feelings with us it helps to tell people how you are feeling. Stick with the forum it has been my saviour and I have made amazing supportive friends who understand totally what I am going through and are always there if I am struggling and I return the favour when needed. We will never get over it, best we can hope for is acceptance and acknowledgement that this is our life from now on. Remember you are not alone in this journey xx

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