New to site

Hello my name is Alan I am new to this site lost my wife 21\3\17 she was only 47 ,now that her estate is all sorted the feeling of loneliness and fear is awful was married for 27 years miss her so much

Hi Alan, I’m new to the site today as well. I lost my 54 year old husband suddenly in January and can’t imagine what the future holds for me now.
Every day I wake up not knowing how I will feel, some days are better than others but none are good. It’s very early days for both of us but I have to say well done to you for reaching out for help so soon after losing your wife, that’s a big step in a scary new world.
Do you have family around you?

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Good to talk to you kimmy it’s good to talk to some one else who is not a family member it seems to be easier hope we can start to feel better , but even saying that makes we feel guilty,still think my self as married can’t get her out of my mind night time is the bad time especially when it’s bed time ,I bet you feel the same

I have a son 25 daughter 19 what about you kimmy any kids

I have a daughter aged 28, she lives near by but is often away with work, I do have a good community of friends but it’s hard to ask for help, people don’t understand unless they have been through this. We don’t always want to be brave, sometimes we just want to sit and cry and other times we want to laugh at our happy memories and even we don’t know which mood we will be in and when.
One day we will feel better without feeling guilty or sad but every happy moment with be tinged with our grief. Of course you still feel married because in your heart you are, as I am, no matter what our marriage vows said about death parting us, it’s up to us when or if we let go and move on.
I find meal times are the hardest and also gardening, not sure if it’s because we always did it together or of its the changing of seasons without him. Everything is just so difficult I can’t function without him.
Do you have work to keep yourself busy with?

I did everything with my wife she was the one person you could truly trust ,it must have been devastating for you to loose your husband suddenly ,My wife had breast cancer fought it bravely for five years ,can’t even look at a picture of my wife I just break down ,going back to work next Monday think that will help,hope I am not making you feel any worse

You couldn’t possibly make me feel any worse, it’s comforting to talk to someone who understands.
I like looking at photos of my husband, he was so fit and healthy I expect him to talk to me from the picture, it’s different from the battle your wife had, you must have had scary times together, neither way is easy for us left behind.
I hope work is good for you when you return, something to focus on. I haven’t worked for years, my job was looking after my husband now nothing seems worth doing, maybe in time I’ll get a little part time job to give structure to my week.

Just maybe we will get a nice summer so we can work in our gardens

Hi all I’m new to site as well, lost my wife Dec 28/16 and my daughter august bank holiday 16 the year from hell both from cancer so I’m totally lost still have 2 daughters and 7 grandchildren that try to keep me occupied but there are grieving as well so don’t really wont to burden them plus there have to keep an eye on me, this really isn’t real but keep going somehow.

Hello micky lost my wife to cancer 21/3/17 age 47 I am totally lost with out her can’t imagine how you are feeling after the loss of your daughter and wife it’s awful cancer the treatment the scans ,also trying to go your spirts up while they are getting treatment ,I try to think my wife has no more worry and pain anymore to be honest I feel awful most days sad and a feeling of dread going back to work on Monday,maybe that will help,

Hi Alan thanks yes it’s the pits ed wasn’t in any pain just didn’t now what was going on just sleeping all the time, plus all the drugs so that’s a good thing same with our daughter, Macmillan were fantastic, as you more down days than up it’s just the loneliness the week ends are worst and evenings, don’t really now if we will get though this, plus the sleep that’s the worst just lying there, take it easy Micky.

Nice to speak to you I have got to agree with you Macmillan nurses were great for my wife I cared for her at home with the help of the district nurses .My kids are away out tonight find myself no been able to watch any tv programmes Linda and I would have watched together to upsetting it’s got to get better Mick surely.

Yes agree with you my girls are out as well so I have 1 grandchild herewith me harry his sister is joining us tomorrow, full house I do t watch any programs we used to watch together any more ed loved csi and Miami, now I mainly listen to radio lbc, at night and during the day, and watch films or documentaries, the pain comes and goes haven’t really laughed yet,were all going away may half term all the kids and girls my treat to try and give them something to take there mind of all this, as some are having counselling, like us all, hope you are getting some kind of counselling, my work pays for mine as it was part of our health care plan, does help I can phone 24/7 gonna need it Micky.

Hi Kimmy names Micky sorry for you loss, understand everything your going through lost my wife and eldest daughter last year wife Dec daughter august bank holiday 2 dates eched in my brain forever and time, yes everyday is a struggle zombie land most of the time, on auto pilot, can’t really think about the future if there is one day by day, sleep is my biggest enemy, still have all eds sympathy cards all over the place can’t take them down yet, and all her clothes, girls took some and the grandchildren keep going somehow we’re all together in this Micky.

Hi Alan I’m new here too I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife I totally know how you are feeling right now
I lost my partner of 20 years on 17/3/17 he was 42
he died from bacterial meningitis all caused by an ear infection he had
He was only in hospital 4 days before we had to turn his life support machine off that was the most difficult thing iv had to do in my life
I agree with you a lot about not been able to get them out of your head I constantly think about my partner and even more so at night I feel guilty that i left him to go to work on the Tuesday morning not realising how seriously ill he was
I like to look at photos of my partner they bring me such comfort yes I may cry a lot when I look at them but I also smile too. I’m only 36 and I’m scared that my life will never be the same again people say it gets easier but I’m not sure how it can
Tonight was the first night iv been out for drinks with friends since his passing and I must admit I did find it hard I cried a little bit too much because he was not there with me We always went out together on Saturday nights and now as I’m laid in bed again feeling lost and lonely and no one to talk to its hard.
I hope work helps you get rid of some of that loneliness

Hello Lindsey it’s just awful the things that can happen to us you don’t realise how presice someone is till their gone I find it impossible to believe this happening to me this sort of thing should not at our age what the he’ll do we do now to scary

I know what do we do. People say you have to move on with your life but I find that impossible I can’t even think about a future without my mark I suppose it’s easy for people to say that who haven’t been in our situation

Hi Micky, so sorry to hear you’ve lost your wife and a daughter, a parent should never lose a child.
I still haven’t unpacked my husband suitcase from his fateful journey, BIL has offered tomhelomme go through clothes and tools but I’m not ready yet, I like them all left as if he will return one day. I keep his dressing gown hung up in his shower room and spray it with his aftershave so the room always smells of him, sometimes I cuddle in to it and pretend he’s here.
I hate surrounding my husbands death, I can’t make sense of them in my head. I last kissed him good bye on January 3rd when he left for his business trip, I took the phone call telling me he’d died on the 6th but due to him dying abroad he officially dies on the 7th. It was the 16th before he was repatriated and I still couldn’t see him until the coroner let him go and that was the 25th. All that time I couldn’t believe it, a part of me still doesn’t.
Take care x

Hi kimmy so sorry for you yes I do the same eds dressing gown still hanging up and I often spray eds deodorant around and all her clothes are still in wardrobe, have grandchildren with me at moment so not to bad, it’s when they’ve alll gone it hits me, how do people get through this but there seem to according to the story’s on here, it’s just so hard same thing every day and night take care. Micky.

Hi Micky
I take comfort in the fact that I’m not travelling this lonely road alone, I may not be able to see others struggling but on this site I have found the shadows I walk in and I reach out to those who follow me. We never knew this path existed and non of us would have chosen it, however, we find ourselves on the same hateful journey, each of us taking along what luggage we need to survive.
I’m so glad you have your grandchildren around you, weekends are always the worst time so it’s good to have company but it really does hit you when they leave and the house is silent again X

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