New to the community

Hi,

My mum was living with us for a number of years due to ill health and was diagnosed with cancer and passed away last year. I was a single child and lived with my mum and my family was her and my grandparents (on her side) .
I’ve found the whole situation very difficult and had some general counselling seemed to help but lately now every day I find myself looking back at my happy memories and feeling extremely sad and upset. Have my own family now but I can’t help thinking I am the only one left from my own actual family which makes me very sad. My grandparents passed away in 1997 and 2005 and I still miss them very much and would give anything to see them all once last time.

Even though I got to try and prepare for my mum dying and say the things I wanted , I was never really prepared for the effect it would have on me. I told her I would miss her and she told me that she would miss me to. This particular conversation haunts me most days.

Even as a write this I am crying. Knowing I’ll never see her again is very painful.

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Dear AdamJ

I am so sorry that you have lost your mum.

I have lost a parent - my dad - back in 2010 and miss him dearly. I managed to cope with his loss because I had my husband at my side but unfortunately he dead in September following a road traffic accident.

I note that you have your own family now. What is keeping me going is that both grandsons have many of the characteristics of my husband. The eldest - who my husband was devoted to - even has my husband’s hair colour and curls. Our son is the double of his dad so not surprising that this would be the case. Our second grandson was only born two weeks ago so my husband never got to meet him.

I think the lockdowns have given us all (perhaps too much) time to reflect on family and those we have lost. Not sure how old your kids are but continue to share memories of your mum - easier said than done I know - but this now has to be my husband’s lasting legacy telling our grandsons what a great person he was.

I have to believe that I will see my dad and husband one day.

Take care.

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