I lost my fiance craig in October. He collapsed at home 5am monday 9th, myself and my son did cpr untill the ambulance arrived. He died at home then again in the ambulance. Once at the hospital they did their thing and told us he had a massive bleed on the brain caused by a ruptured artery. We had 4 days of hope but was then declared dead on friday 13th October. The doctors went on to say they were 99% sure he was gone at home when the artery ruptured and what we had been seeing was the body trying to carry on. The build uo to Christmas was horrible without him and Christmas morning was heartbreaking until i looked outside and saw a rainbow! I have never in 45 yrs of living seen a rainbow on Christmas morning,i believe that was my present from craig. We carried on Christmas day with friends and family and raised many glasses to him. What im struggling with now is welcoming the new year in. How can i face a new year without my soulmate? It feels like im leaving him behind. How can i look forward to a future when my future isnt here anymore. My fiance was 45yrs and a kind loving man we were planning our wedding but instead i had to plan a funeral. The world isnt fair.
Really sorry for your loss i lost my husband suddenly in july early hours while sleeping we did cpr he was taken to hospital but we at to turn life support off 2 days later no warning no signs its heartbreaking he was 54 im 49. Life is so cruel 
xx
Im so sorry. I know they would want us to carry on and be happy. I want to do all the things we planned in memory of him and make him proud but its just soo hard. He was the one that saw me at my best and at my worst and still loved me. Ive recently started hrt treatment and i was a bloody nightmare but he didnt care i was his world xxx
Yes i want to do all the things we planned and i know if we do they will be right by our sides. I srarted hrt in march i have kept with it. We had so many plans its hard to do most things because it makes me feel guilty 
new years eve im treating like a normal day i will watch a film on netflix then get to bed before midnight. Please keep talking on here its really helped me. Feel free to private message me anytime xxx
Thank you. I have been reading what people have been putting but this is the first time ive written anything. There was good and bad days but now it feels like more bad days than good. I know i havent grieved properly yet but once i do i feel like thats it hes definitely gone. Im not ready to accept that yet i want ut to be a big massive mistake and hes in a hospital bed still waiting for me to find him xx
I know what you mean for the first 3 months i kept waiting for him to come through the door . I have good days and bad days but xmas as really put me back massively we had so many plans we were together for 24 years married for 13 years i just wanted more time. Im so sorry your going through this no one understands unless its happened to them. I lost my dad 10 years ago but this grief is totally different i have never lived alone until now its very lonely xxx
Hi @Cadge
I agree with you good days and bad days.
I am 7 months on this horrible journey and i still have days of tears and christmas and new year alone have only highlighted how alonevi now feel. 35 years married and 37 years together now appart and living on my own is so lonely and the thought of another 20+ years (if we are expected to live longer) frightens me.
I know i am not alone in these feelings i only hope it becomes easier or more manageable in order to survive
Take care
Lynne x
It’s seven weeks since my partner passed away and after thirty years together this is the first time I’ve been alone on Xmas day just after she passed away I tried to take my own life and ended up under the mental health team they kept saying that I will have good days and bad days so far I’ve only had bad days Xmas day I phoned Samaritans because I was so lonely and just didn’t want to carry on without her any more my partner has two daughters from her first marriage and they have both turned against me I have no friends or family to help me with the grief and loneliness I don’t know how to cope without her Xmas day I ended up in the mental health hospital they were so helpful and they said that people grieve in different ways and there are no time limits it takes as long as it takes and eventually good days will come I told the doctor that I still have thoughts about not being here the thing that they kept saying was that my partner wouldn’t want me to do anything silly and that’s what I need to think about I came home this morning and although I am struggling without my partner and I will always be I don’t think about taking my own life now and I will just keep going in the hope that good days will eventually be here and as I was told it will take time
Boo2 your text has had me in tears. So sorry for your loss and you wanted to end your life. I too rang samartians in the early days and found them so caring. I know your partner is watching over you and wants you to do your best. Please reach out if you feel like that again. Sending you hugs and wish you well.
Misprint thank you for your concern I hope you are coping ok and I wish you well too
@Boo2 I’m so sorry you felt like that. The only good thing is that you did get some support from Samaritans.
Please keep talking to us, we do know how you feel. Most of us have had similar thoughts I’m sure (I have).
Its very lonely and the future is scarey without them with us im trying not to look to far ahead its too painful
Thinking of you xx
Hi @Cadge
Hope you are doing ok as we go into 2024.
I watched the fireworks saw the year in at midnight then into bed
Strange i have not ever had a dream of Kevin since he passed but on new years day i dreamt of him and spookily i woke up thinking he was still here of course soon realised that was not true 
However taking the dream as a sign he was still looking over me because in my dream he kept saying not too worry💔
Life is so strange trying to be strong but failing somedays guess life as we knew it now changed so the new norm dont know what that will be.
Take care and wishing you good health and the best that we can do 2024
Lynne Xx