Hello - I am totally at a loss as to how to deal with the overwhelming feeling of being alone after my husband of fifty years died two months ago. Two neighbours walked past me this morning - I know nobody means to be hurtful but I would love any neighbour to knock on my door just to ask if I was ok. The total fear of it all is devastating. Please let me know your experiences…thank you
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Hello Blue, it’s hard and other people who have not been through this awful experience have very little idea how to deal with the situation. You will find support from the community and like me have had friends and neighbours who totally ignore you just when you need them.
Fifty years is a long time but it is never long enough and that feeling of being alone is hard to bear. I do hope others will tell you that you are not alone and we all welcome you here. I do hope you have friends or relatives that can help make your life easier. Sending blessings to you and wishing you well. S xx
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Susiem thank you so much for your lovely words of comfort. I do have family but everyone lives quite a distance away. They are loving, protective and supportive but as you say if you haven’t suffered this way it is difficult to know how to deal with it. This forum is a help as everyone is in the same storm but different boats as a previous post said, all my love and thanks for replying.
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Any help I can be to you, I am here. Like you my family is away always supportive and definitely protective. One son would love me to move near him that’s not on any card. It’s. A difficulty choice and I didn’t look at it until I was two years on and by then I knew what I could or couldn’t do. I am lucky I can do lots of things and physically fit but later on I may not be so I have to know how to deal with it now so I am organised. We were married for 45 years and as I said it was long enough.
Try to think how you can change your old life to make your new life right for you. If you can change without compromise then go for it. As I said anything I can help with, I am here. Take care. S xxx
Hi @Blue3, I found neighbours that used to be talk to me and my husband all the time, now no longer speak unless I see them out in the street and I speak first. Other neighbours I haven’t spoken to much before now chat all the time. You can never tell who will speak and those that avoid you.
Since the last lockdown I gone back to church one nearer to me and because most people there didn’t know my husband but still aware he had died have just welcomed me, and it’s helped me alot as I’ve now become involved in church life.
I’m also fortunate our children and grandchildren live close by and my old friends are very supportive as many of them have lost someone too.
But I see your still early in this road none if us wanted to find ourselves on, for me it’s nearly 16 months.
Debbie X
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Thankyou Debbie - it took a while to have the confidence to post on the forum but I am so glad I did - it has helped me today so much. Lots of love
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I’m glad you here now and keep posting. X
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Hi there Blue
I’m afraid neighbours just don’t seem to call on people these days no matter what. My neighbours of many years never once knocked my door and I was asked one day why I walked with my head down. Possibly because I was lost in my own misery. I decided to change and I would raise my head and say good morning to at least three people as I walked my dogs. I found it worked and people didn’t seem so frightened of me.
I now know more neighbours than I ever did before my loss. And it is nice to meet and chat or walk the dogs together. My dogs helped me as I had no choice but to to go out. It seems to me its up to us to make the first move and then people are not so wary of us. So next time you see those neighbours give them a cheery wave. It might just work.
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Exactly right, Pattidot. My experience was just the same, and I handled it just the same, I just got out there and made the contact, never waiting for people to talk to me, not waiting for them! I never turned down an invitation to pop in for a cuppa when I fancied one. One extra thing I did, if the weather was nice, whenever I was out shopping, I always popped into a pavement cafe for a cup of coffee and a slice of cake, and asked if I could join someone else sitting on their own and we started chatting. Remember they are on their own and probably grateful for the company. Dogs are great at knocking down barriers, because people ask what breed they are, how old, what names, and can I give them a pat.
If it doesnt come to us, we have to go and get it!
PS I also joined a couple of ukulele bands, and before I knew it we were all popping around to each others houses for a bit of loosley called jamming.
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Hi Tykey
Making a move to help ourselves seems to work and I preferred it to sitting at home and moping.
I must admit I don’t go to cafe’s, not my thing but I do meet and talk with other walkers and I have had some nice chats with perfect strangers. A smile can start up a conversation and as you say there are plenty of lonely people out there. I have actually been thanked for having a conversation.
xx